From: Mary Ann Twitty - Court Wednesday, December 07, 2011 10:00 AM Sent To: Richard Henke; ?Mtiiam Mudd Subject: FW: lnsensitive One Liners From: Sent: Tuesday, December 06, 2011 4:21 PM To: undisclosed?recipients Subject: Insensitive One Liners "insensitive One Liners" (now this is some funny stuff!) I was devastated to ?nd out my wife was having an affair but. by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning! The wife suggested i get myself one of those penis enlargers, so I did she's 21 and her name is Lucy. Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting "pedophile!" and other names at me, just because my girlfriend is 21 and l'm 50. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary. y've got a new machine in. Could only use it for half an hour, as I started provides me with everything need - KitKats, Mars Bars, Snickers, Just been to the gym. The to feel sick, lt's great though. It Potato Cris s, the lot .juestion - Are there too many immigrants in Britain? a 17% said yes a 11% said No 72% said am not understanding the question please." The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can't afford batteries. A man calls 911 and says, think my wife is dead". The operator says, "How do you know?" He says, "The sex is about the same, but the ironing is piling up!" was explaining to my wife last night that, when you die, you get reincarnated - but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You obviously haven't been listening." My husband has been missing a week now. The police said to prepare for the worst. So, I had to go down to Goodwill to get all of his clothes back. 7 We heard that Apple has scrapped their plans for the new children's-oriented iPod after realizing that "iTouch Kids" is not a good product name. pping center, but they threw me out a?erl There's a new Muslim clothing shop that opened in our sho asked ifl could look at some of the bomber jackets. The Red Cross just knocked on my door and asked if we could contribute towards the ?oods in Pakistan. i said we?d love to, but our garden hose only reaches to the driveway. From: William Mudd . Tuesday, June 07, 2011 1:58 PM Mary Ann Twitty - Court Sent To: Subject: My Dogs Subject: My Dogs Last Week i went to sign my dogs up for welfare. At first the lady said, "Dogs are not eligible to draw welfare." So i explained to her that my dogs are mixed in color, unemployed, lazy, can't speak English and have no frigging clue who their Daddies are. They expect me to feed them, provide them with housing and medical care. 80 she looked in her policy book to see what it takes to qualify. My dogs get their first checks Friday. Damn, this is a great From: Mary Ann Twitty Court Sent: Friday, October 14. 2011 2:14 PM To: William Mudd Subject: FW: Simply Beautiful-careful? From: Sent: Friday, Octooer 144f 2011 12:00 Pi-?i To: Mary Ann Twitty Court Subject: Fw: Simpiy Beautiful On Fri, 10/14/11, From: Subject: Fw: Simply Beautiful To: Date: Friday, October 14, 2011, 11:55 AM On Fri, 10/14/11, Subject: Fw: Simply BeautifulDate; Friday, October 14, 2011, 9:49 AM Original Message From; Sent: Wednesday, October 12. 2011 2:11 PM Subject: FW: Simply Beautiful MICHELLE HIGH SCHOOL REUNION I 1 I .i .. No virus found in this incoming message. Information from ESET Smart Security, version of virus signature database 6367 (20110810) The message was checked by ESET Smart Security. Richard Henke From: Sent: Friday, November 14, 2008 9:17 AM To: Subject: RE: tomorrow? I did?not see the emai! until after. called me and did not repiy because I assumed passed on to you that i woufd work. So instead I reptied with something i heard yesterday about President elect. Obama. I realty think that some people fail to show the leader of our beioved country the proper respect that is deserving of such an honored position by indicating that we shouldn?t worry about him being president very long because what black man holds a steady job for four years. Terrible, it?s just terrible. Mary Ann Twitty Court From: Sent: Monday, May 02, 2011 10:00 AM To: Subject: FW: Sounds like a plant! From: William Mudd . . Sent: Sunday, May 01, 20.11 1:06 PM To: -, Mary Ann Twirl-y - Court Subject: Sounds like a plan! Subject: Fw: Fwd: Sounds like a plan!! A black woman in New Orleans was admitted into the hospital pregnancy termination. Two weeks later she received a check for $5,000. She phoned the hospital to ask who it was from. . The hospital said, "Crimestoppers." Mary Ann Tw?ty - Court From: Sent: Tuesday, April 19, 2011 3:35 PM To: William Mudd; Richard Henke Subject: FW: Very Rare Photo From: Sent: Monday, April 18, 2011 8:32 PM To: . Twitty Court; Subject: FW: Very Rare'Photo On Mon, 4/18/1151 From: . Subject: FW: Very Rare Photo To: . Date: Monday, April 18, 201 1, 8:28 PM On Mon, 4/18/11,Subject: W: Very Rare Photo To: Date: Monday, April 18, 2011, 5:51 PM Subject: Very Rare Photo Some of these emails just touch me more than others. 3* wrote: - Mary Ann Rare photo of Ronald Reagan babysitting Barack Obama in early 1962 Mary Ann Twitty - Court From: Sent: Monday, March 01, 2010 4:08 PM To: - Subject: FW: (B) ..Child support. This is Attachments: Attached.dat Mary Ann Twitty Ferguson Court Clerk 222 S. Florissant Rd. Ferguson Mo. 63135 From: Sent: Monday, March 01, 2010 2:52 PM To: Undisclosed?Recipient} Subject: Fw: (B) ..Child support. Subject: FW: (B) ..Child support. To: Leroy's last Child Support Payment Mainfenance Last Child Support Cheque!? Today be my baby girl 181+: birfhday. I be so glad fha'l dis be my last child support payment! Monfh offer monl'h, year offer year, all dose payments! So I call my baby girl, come +0 my house, and when she get here, I say, "Baby girl. I want you fa lake dis cheque over To yo momma house and fell her dis be fhe lasf cheque the ever be ge?in' from me, and I won?t you to come back and Tell me The 'spression on yo mm face? So, my baby girl lake the cheque over to her momma. I be anxious To hear who? she say, and bau?r fhe 'spression on her face. Baby girl walk fhrough 1'he door, I say, "Now what ya momma say 'bou+ that?? She say fo fell you fhaf "you ain?+ my daddy?, and watch 141:: on yo facc?W Scroll Lawd a Mercy A smile {s con'r09ious pass ii around.