rage 1 or .3

Hey, Chris.
Just wanted to wish you a merry Christmas and warn you of a gift I would like to give you . . .

On a seriously funny note, I still get a kick out of that box that your brother made that had the ax, etc.
behind glass to be used only under "zombie attack? or ?zombie apocalypse", or whatever.

Well, since it is a festive time of year and since you are such an eccentric individual (albeit I still get the
award for that one) I figured I would go with your brother's idea but while adding a little spice in a
manner that only I could/would do (without breaking a single law, of course). Hell, when I finally get it
done, I will probably leave your gift on the dash of my truck when crossing the border just to have
some fun with those testy immigration officials I always have to deal with at the border.

Anyway, as you already know, over the years I have amasseda rather impressive amount of osmium 
tetroxide (please see the attachment). After all, there are some chemicals, legal as them may be, that
not even I would sell to a stranger on eBay. This has resulted in me having so much ofthis . . . novelty,
shall we say, just lying around my lab that I had to build a special safe for it just in case some blithering
fool decides to come inspect my lab, and, while naturally refusing to heed my demands to "get the fuck 
out? or "don?t touch my shit?, somehow manages to break open a vial of osmium tetroxide in a
manner that only a government employee could do. While I must admit, that there is something bitter-
sweet to be found in even such a tragedy, it is not one I would intentionally wish on even a police
of?cer. Nonetheless, even I must admit that it is rather odd, perhaps even conserving, for someone



with my history to possess such ILLEGAL THOUGHTS. While I would never harm a human, an animal, a
plant, or even a police officer with something as terribly toxic as osmium tetroxide, you and I both
know that evidence is only an optional element required for conviction of a crime. That being the case,
it is still probably best for me to come up with a way to SAFELY disperse of at least part of my stockpile
of this little novelty chemical. While we both know that the most important element required for the
conviction of a crime is the opinion testimony of someone wearing pressed blues, given the ethically
challenged nature of?most police officersJ-have witnessed on the stand, it is probably best that not

keep this much of my novelty chemical lying around as, knowing my luck,-it could be improperly
misconstrued as actual evidence. I don?t need any more of that shit.

50, I am thinking about giving you some of the good stuff in a sealed, glass vial, No, I am not too keen
on that polymer backbone shit. I am talking a sizable lump of pure osmium tetroxide, fully encased in
an impermeable glass vial for all the world to see. This glass vail will be thick enough to safely contain
the osmium tetroxide even without refrigeration, yet this fragile, glass vial will be enclosed in a box
with an opening large enough through which one could fit a fork, a spoon, or even a stick. While I will
be the first to admit that these would constitute some rather blunt tools, such tools do have the
benefit of being within arm's reach pretty much anywhere and anytime and, in my personal opinion, in
times of emergency it is always wisest to keep your tools as simple and as accommodating as possible,
even if they may appear to some as somewhat clandestine. You know, just in case you, the
HYPOTHETICAL user, ever did, HYPOTHETICALLY, knowingly choose to play with some benign chemical
in the presence of an armed intruder dressed in blue that is relentlessly attempting to rip from you
your very heart after taking up residence in your own fucking property. In any event, I ?gure a good
place for it would be securely screwed to a shelf on a credenza that shall soon be located behind an
executive desk- located in your private dental practice. 50, blunt tools or not, any one would suf?ce to
get the job done if skillfully mastered. That is, after all, what makes the box, or, mean, the novelty, so
fucking special. Please understand, however, that it would require some really stupid, insane effort to
actually urn this hypothesis into a theory by breaking the vial. The vial is not really for breaking, but
merely for relishing. In other words, it will be safe.

The box itself, except for the opening made for viewing, will be constructed of either absolute black
granite, seamless stainless steel, or seamless borosilicate glass. I have all kinds of furnaces that can
mold metals, especially those with a melting point as low as that of stainless steel, and am now and
am getting better at this glass blowing thing, so it will be easier than what it sounds. I also have an old
CNC Router with all kinds of diamond burs which I will use to etch into the top of box (be it granite,
stainless or glass) something like the following. (1.) TO BE USED ONLY IN THE EVENT
OF FORCEFUL ENTRY BY THE POLICE. (2.) HOLD BREATH (VERY IMPORTANT). (3.) POKE GLASS 
STICK, PREFERRABLY WHILE WEARING FULL HAZMAT PROTECTIVE GEAR. ENTIRE BOX AT
ANY POLICE OFFICER THAT HAS DECIDED TO TAKE UP RESIDENCE ON YOUR PROPERTY. (5.) WHILE STILL
HOLDING YOUR BREATH, RUN LIKE HELL. (6) IF YOU ARE LUCKY YOU WILL HAVE DIED LIKE THE REST OF
THEM. (7) IF YOU ARE UNLUCKY, AND AS A RESULT OF COMPLETE BLINDNESS, YOU WILL RUN INTO A
WALL WHILE TRYING TO GET THE FUCK OUT AND WILL LIKELY NEED HE AFFOREMENTIONED STICK TO
GET AROUND FOR THE REST OF YOUR 

Finally, on the bottom, where no one can actually see, you will find the words 
A WEAPON OF 

rage .2 u: 3

-Again, and seeing how this is a written document that could potentially be stored for perpetuity, I do
which to stress that the box will not be designed to be actually used as a weapon. It is more about the
satisfaction of knowing that you have that sort of immense power and the satisfaction of knowing that
there is not a chance in hell that ANYONE would ever figure that shit out. While I am sure that such
things sound COMPLETELY FUCKING NUTS to most people, I suspect that you can find the humor in this
form of crazy, especially if, god forbid, you ever actually did find yourself in a position where the
pressures of authority have you bent you over while taking turns fucking you up the ass. You see, it is
moments like those wherein you feel most helpless that the box becomes most valuable. I am talking
about that very moment wherein you discover that you never really had any constitutional rights at all
and you must bear witness to those mother fuckers mercilessly stripping from you every ounce of your
being. You see, even though it may feel like you have lost all control, you will find that the box will
bring you a certain comfort?a certain satisfaction that can only be gleaned from possessing such an
immense sort of power while consciously choosing not to use it?even against those that you would
otherwise, and with great joy, I might add, batter until they were fucking senseless. The fact that you
have not chosen to use it, and, as conclusively evidenced by the fact that it is still sitting there quite
literally screwed to your shelf of your credenza (so as not to fall over) will be sufficient to prove that

you are better than those mother fuckers we have come to know both personally and via recent media
reports as the ?blue wall.?

Respectfully,
Your Friend, Chris (Now also known as Chrispy).

PS: On an equally festive note, my immigration/work permit stuff is finally moving along. Lucky for
those immigration bastards, eh? (Yes, that is a joke which I make with some emotion, but noteof the
type which could be construed as malice aforethought or my voluntary decision to join in any form of
criminal conspiracy, be it related to these issues or otherwise). In any event, I suspect that this recent
?urry of activity could have something to do with the fact that the latest prosecutor opposed to my
interest decided to drop all charges against me after reviewing my experts report with his own expert.
i, personally, think that was a wise decision because, even though I would never harm a ?ea, it
probably is in their best interest to keep me on their good side} So I am in a pretty good place right

now. I haven?t felt this way in a long time, Bro. Hope dental school and those animals with two 
chromosomes are treating you well.