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          BERNIE BROS ON CAMPUS
          JESSICA and CHARLOTTE walk together on a college campus.
          Both stop when they notice MATT wearing a "People for
          Bernie" T­shirt and suit jacket with a campaign button on
          the front.
          Jessica and Charlotte stay back so Matt can't see them.
                              CHARLOTTE
                    Oh, hey, Molly, another Bernie Bro.
                              MOLLY
                    Yeah, Charlotte, they're
                    everywhere! You can't walk across
                    any of the quads without running
                    into them.
                              CHARLOTTE
                    I know. And, if you don't want to
                    talk to them, they make some
                    comment about how you probably
                    support Hillary, like you're
                    garbage to want a woman president.
                              MOLLY
                    Hey, let's hang back here and watch
                    for a little bit. Maybe we catch
                    him harassing someone and we can
                    spread it all over Twitter. Expose
                    these misogynist pigs once and for
                    all.
                              CHARLOTTE
                    I have class in twenty minutes, but
                    definitely. Let's get this
                    brogressive.
          MATT approaches two students walking together, CHAD and
          LIZZY. Molly pulls out her phone and points it toward Matt.
                              MATT
                    Hello, mind if I take a moment to
                    talk to you about feeling the Bern
                    today?
                              LIZZY
                    We're kind of going somewhere.
                              MATT

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                    I'll be quick. Bernie Sanders
                    supports health care for all. He's
                    not owned by Wall Street. His
                    campaign is fueled by people like
                    us, not the 1 percent.
                              CHAD
                    I support Ted Cruz. (laughs) Not
                    really. Wait, I actually do for
                    real. Are you still giving away
                    free Red Bull?
                              MATT
                    No, we don't give out free Red
                    Bull.
          Lizzy and Matt exit.
                              CHARLOTTE
                    Typical Bernie­splaining. Like
                    Hillary can't be her own woman and
                    take on Wall Street.
                              MOLLY
                    It's always Wall Street with the
                    bros. I bet he waves his finger at
                    the next people he stops.
          ANGELA enters.
                              MATT
                    Hello, do you have some time to
                    talk about feeling the Bern?
                              ANGELA
                    Sure. My friends like Bernie.
                              MATT
                    He's very popular with millennials.
                    Lots of students are in debt.
                    Bernie thinks college should be
                    free like K­12 education.
                              ANGELA
                    Thanks. I probably will vote
                    Hillary, but I wouldn't mind if
                    Bernie beat Trump.
          Angela exits.
                              MOLLY

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                    Incredible. These bros just promise
                    free stuff to people. Can you
                    imagine how people would react to
                    Hilldog if she did that?

                              CHARLOTTE
                    He literally made her defend voting
                    for the first woman president.
                    Check your gender privilege and
                    stop trying to make women feel the
                    bro.
          Matt stops BRIDGETTE and JACKIE.
                              MATT
                    Hello, do you have some time to
                    talk about feeling the Bern?
                              BRIDGETTE
                    What burn? I don't have a burn.
                              JACKIE
                    She isn't burned. And who are you?
                              BRIDGETTE
                    Yeah, who the fuck are you?
                              MATT
                    No, no, I'm a volunteer for Bernie
                    Sanders' presidential campaign.
                              JACKIE
                    Oh, you, mean, feel the Bern! Like,
                    that socialist guy. James dressed
                    up like him at the party.
                              BRIDGETTE
                         (laughing)
                    Haha, James had that big bald crazy
                    Jew wig! And wagging his finger!
                              MATT
                    Uh. Well, so you know him. Great.
                    He believes we need a political
                    revolution...
                              BRIDGETTE

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                    I'll give you a political
                    revolution.
                              JACKIE
                         (laughter)
                    He could never handle our political
                    revolution.
                              BRIDGETTE
                    Free beer for everyone!

                              JACKIE
                    If one person gets wasted, we're
                    all getting wasted!
                              BRIDGETTE
                    Redistribution of booze!
          Bridgette and Jackie keep laughing and exit. 
          JESSICA enters.
                              JESSICA
                    Hey, you two! Didn't expect to see
                    either of you here.
                              MOLLY
                    Hey, Jessica. We're watching this
                    Bernie Bro. Any moment he'll do
                    something sexist and we'll have a
                    viral video.
                              JESSICA
                    That's ridiculous.
                              CHARLOTTE
                    What do you care? You got some kind
                    of thing for boys who like Bernie?
                              JESSICA
                    Charlotte, just the other day you
                    said Hillary wants to create change
                    within our shitty reality while
                    Bernie actually wants to change
                    that shitty reality.
                    
                              MOLLY
                    No, you didn't, Charlotte. How

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                    could you?
                              JESSICA
                    Molly, you said to me a few days
                    ago that Hillary supports policies,
                    which are hurtful to women.
          Matt picks up a backpack and exits in the opposite
          direction.
                              CHARLOTTE
                    That's true. It's just become such
                    a cat fight, and it's been getting
                    to me.
                              MOLLY
                    Yeah, I was thinking about my
                    grandmother, who is 83 years­old.
                    If Hillary isn't elected, she may
                    never see a woman become president.
                    That's kind of sad, right?
                              JESSICA
                    Ladies, America is a dumpster on
                    fire with rats scurrying around
                    while a drunk, rich white man with
                    a monocle pisses on it. This
                    country doesn't just need a woman
                    to win. It needs someone who,
                    regardless of their dick or vagina,
                    can rescue us from our increasingly
                    post­apocalyptic future.
                              CHARLOTTE
                    You're right. We should support who
                    we want to support.
                              MOLLY
                    And not worry about whether we're
                    good women if we're not with
                    Hilldog.
                              JESSICA
                    Now that we've got that settled,
                    I'm hungry. Let's go have some
                    Bernie Sandwiches.
                                                      [BLACKOUT.]
                    
                    

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