?I'll be glad for the company, even if he has a rough
time of it."

My face flushed and I looked away. ?Give him this,
would you?? I shoved the layer cake across the deskt0p.
Gruber?s eyes glistened and he grinned at me. ?That's
very kind. I certainly won't tell anyone else about it. We
can be sure that Prudmann, at least, will appreciate
your generosity.?

I felt sick to my stomach.

?Maybe I?ll get a slice, too," he continued, gazing
over at it. ?Iced. And with all those layers. He?s a real
master. No one can get these things anymore. There?s
jusr not enough, is there? Not enough of anything
sweet to go around.?

ir 

As soon as I turned the corner from the station, I
broke into a run. I cut through Grubenplarz, and the
empty market. Gerda had the lamp on in the front
room, though the other windows were dark. I fumbled
with the lock at the door. Surely she heard how much
trouble I was having opening it. I put the key in again,
pushed harder.

I was standing in the hall. ?Gerda, where are you??

?Here,? her voice ?oated happily toward me from
the kitchen. My heart leapt. I could hear the forgiveness
and love in her voice. We would talk. I should have
insisted last night, and before that. No matter. I would
explain what I?d seen and she would ask me, please,
once more, to clarify: How did he think he could get
away with all this? What are we going to do, now that
we know? And now what? Tell me. Ask me. Hurrying
down the hallway, I shed my guilt over the past months
as easily as I shed my coat. ?Gerda!?

But the kitchen was empty. From the twin pots 0n
the stove rose columns of steam, but there was no smell
of food in the air. I walked over to the burners. There
was only water in the pots, bubbling away.

She came in from the bedroom, carrying a large,
unwieldy box wrapped in the kind of fancy paper that
used to be available before the war. She put it down on
the table; it covered a good half of it. ?This just came.
You?ve made me so happy. I was waiting to unwrap it
until you came back. Now I don?t have to bear the
waiting any longer."

?\What is it?"

Her eyes went cold. ?It?s not frOm you??

Mutely, I shook my head.

?Well, then," she said. She turned a little away from
me, blocking my view, and ripped the paper along the
seam. she exhaled, the word mingled in her

breath. ?Oh, I never could have imagined.?
?\What?"

98 TIKKUN VOL. 4, No. 3

?The beauty of fur.? Her back straightened and she
didn?t turn around. She put the round hat on her head,
over her ears, and the stole about her shoulders. The
wrap was so thick, her narrow shoulders seemed twice
their breadth as they joined up with the plush of the
hat. She whirled arOund. The tips of the brown furs
glistened and her eyes, too, looked exceptionally bright.
Her cheeks looked ruddy. It was as if Gerda weren?t
standing opposite me in our kitchen, but were suddenly
outside, poised at the edge of something vast, facing a
brisk wind. She saw what it was that was coming toward
her. Her mouth dropped partway open, then she laughed.
can?t wait to show him.?

She left the kitchen door ajar. To preserve the heat of
what little coal burned in the grate, I closed it, not long
after. I went to bed, and awoke, alone. The next day,
RolfTerskan didn?t come into the station. I received my
transfer to Passau, the last town near the eastern border,
on Wednesday. It was just as well. It turned out they
had no guillotine in Passau, though the laws were still
the laws and traitors were still subject to the full extent

of them. 

Nablus Schizophrenia

 

Sblomz' Ha!er

Am I the same man
loving you in bed
as the soldier in the photo
?ailing baton and rage at faceless crowds

is it me in your arms
nervously shy

a?er trashing a house

under moon?s baleful glare

Who am I

To cry from loving
or are my eyes wet from tear gas
and rage?