Impact Statement

Nycole Farah

I am the youngest of the Farah crew, Shelby's little sister Nycole. I
apologize to everyone for not reading this myself, but most of you know I'm not
one to talk about my feelings. However, writing it seemed a whole lot easier.
Shelby got killed right after I turned 15 years old, going on my sophomore year in
high school. I am now almost 19 and a freshman in college. When Shelby died, not
only did it hurt me, but it tore me apart in every way possible. I couldn't function, I
felt myself shutting down as the days went by, because I had just lost my main
man. A girl's big sister is her best friend; that is who I looked up to. She was such
a phenomenal young woman, and a great inspiration to me and Caleb. She made
me the person I am today, and I am so thankful for the time I got with her, and all
of the things she has taught me. I'm the one in the family who doesn't speak much,
I don't talk about my feelings as much as the others. I tend to shut down often and
not say anything at all. Other times I find myself crying so much I go into
depression, and that's the worse. I don't dream about her often unless I'm really
hurting, then she comes to talk to me and comfort me in my sleep. I wake up, and
all of the pain disappears. I think about how she would feel if she saw me now, and
what advice she would give me to be better. She always taught me ever since we
were little, that you always want to be better tomorrow than what you were today. I
live my life base a o f of those words. Out of e many t ings s e as tau me,
that is what stuck. I think about her missing the important times in my life, such as
my high school prom, graduation, what about my wedding day?Who will be there
to have those talks with my daughters that makes them uncomfortable if they talk
about it with me? That is what aunts are for. Taking her life didn't just affect
everyone right then, this will hurt me for the rest of my life. It will affect my
children, and my brother's children. Caleb's daughter looks so much like Shelby,
and she'll never get to see her. She has to grow up and know her aunt Shelby just
through pictures and videos. How are we supposed to explain that her aunt was
brutally murdered? That is one of the worse talks you could ever have with a child.
I wish she was here with us just for a few more hours so I could tell her how much
I love her, and how I never want her to leave. I would never wish this type of pain
on anyone. I pray every day that my pain will soon go away, but yet it never does.

 This pain is eternal, it never gets easier, although I hope it will get bearable. You
don't hear me speak on my hurt and the way I feel hardly EVER, but it's there, and
I feel it every day. I try to be great, and do what I know is best for me; but it's so
hard doing it alone without my right hand man. My life is definitely different now
than what I pictured it would be. I never thought I would be doing the things I do
as far as coming to court, and being so involved in homicide victim activities and
events. This is the stuff you see on TV that you think isn't real until it's happened
to you. I never thought my family would be in this situation, Shelby was such a
good person. She was so involved in the community and making a change. That's
all she wanted to do was make the city better, change the world. She had so much
faith in herself and she strongly believed that she could do it alone. I can't just be
great for her, but for myself. That's what she would want for me, she was so
independent. I wish I could have her back, I wonder where we would be now if she
was still here. Rest in peace Shelby, you will forever live through me.