Hello Colby, my name is Alyscia Kaufmann. I am Tanner Kaufmann’s wife and the
mother of our 2 young boys Parks and Kolt.
On September 4, 2016 at approximately 6 pm my life was forever changed. I will never
be that person again, she is gone. I will never see the man I fell in love with again. My
husband, my partner, my best friend and soul mate was stolen from me. As you have
heard from all the people giving statements here today, more than one life was stolen
that day. In the days and weeks that followed, I remember bargaining with God,
anyone, to take everything I had, to take any body part, if only he would bring Tanner
back. But God did not take him away from me and our boys. No, Colby that was your
decision. There is nothing anyone can do to change that now. I am going to stand here
today and go into detail on how this has affected me and our boys: the loss of career,
the loss of identity, the loss of the person who took care of everything but how can one
truly understand all the ways in which the loss of a husband and father impacts and
changes your daily life until this most precious gift is taken away. They have asked me
to talk about those day to day hardships that have changed everything about our lives.
You may never be able to understand what it is like to lose a father or someone you
built a life with. The person you built your mutual hopes and dreams with. No one here
in this room today will ever be the same, so I hope you have listened and truly heard
about the many lives stolen, the lives ruined. I want you to leave here today and
remember that these people, and especially our 2 little boys, are no longer the people
they were. I want the day Tanner Brent Kaufmann's life was stolen by your preventable
act to be forever burned into your mind as the day many lives were stolen. I want you to
remember this. After you have served your time, when you are again faced with life
choices, I want you to remember that what you may think are small decisions, have a
far greater impact then you could have ever imagined. I hope you never experience
this.
I hope you never feel the pain of picking up your spouse’s memorial cross to place in
the ditch they were killed in. To hear yourself suddenly referred to as a widow at 36
with 2 small kids. To tell your children that their father will never fish, play Lego,
wrestle, swim, or listen to music with them again. That he will not see them attain so
many firsts...graduation, first loves, marriage, children or even their first trip to Mexico.
I hope you never look at a death certificate to see a life cut short at 37, to see what was
left of your spouse’s truck, to plan a funeral for the father of children who will never see
them grow into amazing men like him, to erase your spouse’s identity. Or find in the
mail an autopsy report stating what they were wearing, their height and weight at death
and outlining the details of their injuries and how they died. Although, you have been the
cause of our sadness and pain, I still hope that you never experience such loss. It is a
loss one never truly recovers from. It is a hole in your heart that does not mend but one
you learn to live with and endure. I did not choose a life alone without my soulmate,
partner and best friend…. to become a widow. My children did not choose to lose their
father, friend, mentor, coach and playmate. But our boys and I can choose how we
move forward. We can choose to be happy and live the life Tanner always wanted for

 our family. You have taken so much from us however, this is something you cannot
take away. We can choose to take control over how we move forward. And we choose
to live in the light and not darkness and sorrow.
I am sure you have heard how amazing my husband was. You have heard it from
everyone here again today. Let me tell you about the man, the husband, the father, the
son, the brother and friend. The man whose life was stolen that day. The true essence
of Tanner was kindness. Tanner was kind to everyone he met. He was compassionate,
forgiving and non-judgmental. Strangers got his undivided attention because he truly
cared. Neighbors would immediately become friends. His smile was infectious and
contagious. He was always genuine; making friends, making people feel special, and
making them laugh. He had the most funny, witty, charismatic way about him, you could
not help but like him. Tanner was every kid’s favorite guy. Coaching sports, teaching to
fish or just playing around - the kids always flocked to him. The children that have been
left behind will truly never be the same without their Tanner, especially his own boys.
This amazing man with his light about him touched everyone he met and impacted
many lives. One wrong choice stole the best man I have ever met and what has been
left behind are lives in shambles.
I would like to talk about the impact Tanner’s death has had on me and our boys and
how it has changed our lives.
Here are some moments I will never forget and are forever burned into my memory:
Having your husband due home from a short walk and realizing something was very
wrong, that knock on the door that changes your life. Not believing the RCMP officer
when he says your husband and 5-month-old puppy were killed by an alleged drunk
driver. The coroner having to describe the tattoos on his body and presenting his
wedding ring, wallet and cell phone to help you come to terms with your new reality, that
this was indeed happening, that Tanner was in fact dead and you needed to accept it.
Looking at his wedding ring in your hands and screaming that you could see blood on it.
Clutching it, in the fetal position rocking back and forth on the floor screaming “I don’t
believe you”.
Having to tell our boys that their daddy and Macy were dead and never coming home.
How does one say those word to small children who do not understand the finality of
death and what that really means? These boys will not truly understand the loss of their
father until moments and occasions pop up where Tanner’s presence will be missed
and absence felt. How do you tell your husband’s parents and sister they have lost yet
another son and brother? How does one recover from such tragedy twice in one
lifetime? These are the things that happened the night Tanner was killed, these are the
events that replay in my mind over and over.
I remember irrationally obsessing and trying to remember what he was wearing the last
time I saw him. Playing over in my mind details surrounding his death and the whys of it
all. Wondering what his last moments were like and hoping his death was painless.
Then wondering how someone could not have seen a lone, large blue truck in a field in

 daylight hours. Having thoughts circle in my mind - guilty thoughts of could of, should
of, would ofs, things left unsaid, good byes and I love yous left unspoken. All of this on
repeat to the point of insomnia and loss of appetite. The need for medication to sleep
and the sheer force of will to eat.
The days, weeks and months that followed were a blur of emotion. Every time I cried
my seven-year-old son, Parks, ran to comfort and hold me and tell me he loved me and
it was going to be alright. This is something your young child should never have to do
for their parent. Hiding in the laundry room or garage crying so our babies didn’t have to
see me cry yet again. Lying in bed, curled up with one of Tanner’s smelly work shirts,
trying to drink in every scent, wishing it was him instead. Feeling an empty bed,
wanting him there, needing him to hold me but knowing that would never happen. My
youngest son, Kolt, asking why I was crying and having to explain it to him over and
over. Our babies having nightmares and being scared of the dark, bursts of crying and
fits of anger. Having to listen to our five-year-old son, Kolt, say over and over he does
not understand why he is crying and is so mad. Then having to explain to him why he is
having these feelings and emotions. Praying to Tanner every night, as the boys cannot
go to sleep until we do. Parks saying, “daddy please take away my nightmares, help
me to not go into mommy’s bed, I love you and good night”, Kolt saying “please take
away my nightmares, help me not to be afraid of the dark, keep me safe for the rest of
my life, I love you and good night”. These are the prays, these are the wishes I must
listen to every night…it is not fair that our boys must endure such heartbreak, fear and
loss.
Here we are today. I have not been able to work, I have missed out on the career
opportunity I have been waiting for, for the last four years. The boy’s first Father’s Day
without Tanner. Their planned school activities to celebrate that day. Kolt did not have
his daddy to play with at French park and Parks did not have his daddy to build a tool
box with at Home Depot. I am suddenly faced with being the mom and the dad, the
sole parent, provider and caregiver, the sole doer of chores, kisser of scraped knees,
and sole homework helper. Knowing you cannot possibly fill the shoes of the man that
was your partner in everything, the one you talked to about your day and vented to, the
one you could say anything to and you knew who had your back and who would always
love and support you. The feelings of helplessness, that there is nothing you can do to
change this, is overwhelming. It is finally coming to the realization that you are alone
with 2 little boys and no Tanner and admitting that you need help. Not wanting to ask
but knowing you have no choice because you cannot possibly do everything yourself.
The loneliness that is felt from losing your husband and soulmate is not something one
can explain unless you have lived it. If feels like a piece of yourself is missing, you do
not feel whole, you feel a pull in your soul reaching to touch and be with your other half,
it is a pain in your heart and in your chest, that will not go away, it is the sensation of
swallowing swords, it is a pain you do not wish on anyone.
Our lives were forever changed on September 4, 2016, as was yours. If and when you
are a father, I want you to think and imagine your children losing you and that their

 father was stolen because someone made a preventable choice. You could have made
a different choice. You can now, as you still have a have a future. Tanner does not. I
want you to think about how you are going to tell your future wife and children that you
have killed a husband and a father.
Saying all this, I am aware you probably cannot relate to my experience and loss. You
have not been married. You do not have children. But if you are lucky enough to ever
experience the love and life that we had with Tanner, I hope you can say how you have
grown and changed from what has happened. I hope you use the time you have in jail
to think about the man you want to be and how you will make that happen. You will
leave jail a young man. You have the choice to become a good person who makes
right decisions. I hope you take this opportunity.