TITLE: AUTHOR: VOLUME: Approved for Release: 2014/07/29 C00622789 More PAR Bloopers Carol Willett 38 ISSUE: Spring. YEAR: Approved for Release: 2014/07/29 C00622789 1994 pprovde for Release 2014907/2 C00622789 INTELLIGENCE A collection of articles on the historical. operational. doctrinal, and theoretical aspects of intelligence. - All statements of fact, opinion or analysis exPressed in Studies in Intelligence are those of the authors. They do not necessarily re?ect of?cial positions or views of the Central Intelligence Agency or any other US Government entity, past or present. Nothing in the contents should be construed as asserting or implying US Government endorsement of an article?s factual statements and interpretations. Approved for Release: 2014/07/29 C00622789 Approved for Release: 2014/07/29 C00622789 Language abuse More PAR Bloopers Carol Willett From time to time the challenge of crafting timely, accu- rate, and persuasive pejormance appraisal reports (PAR) strains the skills of the most dedicated and thoughtful manager. The malapraprisms, creative mis- spellings, and mixed metaphors that occasionally result cause both confusion and amusement in centralized Directorate of Operations (DO) evaluation and promo? tion panels. The following excerpts, selected by 1993 panels, illustrate why English is often cited as a dif?? cult language. Excerpts are grouped according to the panel response they elicited. Our observations are in parentheses; I Beg Vaur Pardon?" '7 '7 accompanies a majority of meetings the rater (Does play banjo or piano when accom- panying?) ?We cannot miss a beat in this of?ce.? (It throws off the aforementioned banjo player.) ?Complimentary to his employee (Noth- ing like making sure that your employees are well coifed, and well complemented.) ?She immediately tightened her belt and effectively per- formed her duties and those of her subordinates.? (A Special Achievement Award for a two-for-one-blooper sentence.) is competent in the completion of memoranda responsive to requests when the results are negative and those which are so vague that it is impossible to conduct a reasonable search." (Translation: ?Sorry, we have no idea what you want") The initial article on this subject, ?Writing Below appeared in the fall [99] edition of Studies in Intelligence. 97 is often a luxury.? (Don't tell the IRS. They?ll try to tax it.) the terrible rotational cycle of 1992. . (Right up there with the blizzard of ?88, the ?ood of ?93, and the Mets of ?The ?re in the gut has not always been obvious.? (Another satis?ed Maalox customer.) I Don?t Think That Word Means What You Think It Means "??THis contribution and participation is expected to continue." (Le mot juste.) ?She possesses good intrapersonal skills.? (Talks to her- self; gets polite answers.) tackles new assignments willingly." (OK, X, you rush the quarterback; I?ll cover the receivers.) ?One of subject?s most attributable (The employee?s other assets are not his own.) has demonstrated the capability to perform complex tasks in a qualitative manner.? (Written by an econo- mist!) ?Can be called upon on a real-time basis.? (Comes when called.) worked concomitantly with (The only way to work with OGC.) Approved for Release: 2014/02/29 C00622789 Approved for Release: 2014/07/29 C00622789 ?Subject prepared poignant talking points.? (Tell your asset her eyes are like limpid pools.) an uncanny precognitive response.? (Like a pre? ventive reaction strike?) Is This a Biological Thing? ?Due to his height, this man should probably be directed along liaison lines or staffwork." (Over 6 feet or under 4 feet?) ?He involves himself athletically in Base and local activities.? (Physical conditioning is a must.) ?All said and done. Subjecris human.? (What a relief! We thought he might be an alien.) ?He needs to get the operational out of the political cocoon it is in.? (A tricky metamorphosis.) ?He is endowed with a certain lethal gentleness.? (And she has a certain gentle lethality?) ?He supervises one part?time wife.? (If the service had wanted you to have a wife, they would have issued you one.) ?He has a numbleness of mind and spirit.? (He can imagine jumping" over a candle?) ?He needs to develop a sense of looking more at the horizon at the front than checking back to see how well he is covered to the rear.? (Sounds like this one has executive potential.) Yes, But What Did They Actually Do? demonstrated an extraordinarily high learning curve." (Did he go ballistic?) ?Subject encouraged and enjoyed a steady stream of vis- itors to her of?ce, including political of?cers, DEA of?cers, military attaches, visiting and lesser mortals.? (Such as? Oh. well, at least she enjoyed them.) Whal- Bloopers ?She has served in a position of furnishing continuous continuity to this base." (Without a break?) ?Subject projects the image of a highly intelligent and professional of?cer.? (Isn?t, but projects a great image.) ?Policymakers were indeed literally hanging on her very words, creating constant, extreme pressures." (Hanging is, after all, a capital punishment.) ?One of X?s main attributes is that she has the self-con- ?dence to question herself." (Self?debrie?ng, a great party trick.) ?The highest compliment that can be paid to that after her departure.. .the desk was ably handled by a (OK, what?s the second highest?) ?He must keep his on the importance of constantly turning over rocks, examining what might be worth? while underneath and, if there?s not much, replacing the - rock and moving to the next one. He must learn to be an ef?cient hunter." (And the rater an ef?cient writer.) More Food Metaphors? ?Eager to gain additional knowledge and experience, consumed every piece of information shared by (Thereby providing food for thought?) ?Managers and employees were starving for her exper- tise.? (Let?s get her together with the previous employee and start a food ?ght.) ?Subject suffers from intellectual malnutrition.? (A loser in the last food ?ght.) ?Can cut through garbage, get to the meat.? (Never accept a dinner invitation from this of?cer.) 98 Approved for Release: 2014/07/29 C00622789 Approved for Release: 2014/07/29 C00622789 Bloopers Headquarters Versus the Field who characterizes himself as ?not having a natural warmth for people? and as ?having dif?culty communi- cating,? has a realistic and effective way of conveying his concepts.? (In other words, knows he?s a jerk, you know he?s a jerk, and he tells you anyway.) ?One recent retumee, a senior of?cer fresh from several days of Headquarters brie?ngs, commented that Sub- ject?s brie?ng was the only substantive conversation he?d had since returning to Headquarters.? (Don?t com- plain, buddy. Imagine what it?s like to work with these peOple every day!) ?The Headquarters-Field relationship is the lifeblood of the DO and Subject?s?.? role in the program was the oxy- gen that provided the fuel and energy.? (Calling Dr. Kildare.) . .not just another Headquarters Department of Obfuscation? ?(But THE Headquarters Department of Obfuscation - Cliche Count! . .no noticeable weaknesses.? (Or has kept them hid? den so far.) of a bulldog (Doesn?t know when it?s time to let go.) every manager? 5 dream. (Mine 18 a Ferrari Can this employee get me one?) . .without belaboring a cliche . . already been done.) (Don?t worry, it?s ?Proverbial quick study.? (Call Aesop! Ican?t remem- ber that proverb!) English is a Difficult Language! is able to identify problems and successfully corn- plete them in its entirety.? (Did the writer lose interest in the sentence?) 99? . gle PAR paragraph.? Approved for Release: 2014/07/29 C00622789 . .imminently capable of providing this important func- tion." (Eminently, too.) has done an excellent good job.? (Not just fair to middling, mind you.) unique." (Writer is taking PAR-writ- ing lessons from the previous rater.) very important necessity.? (Glad to see we have another student in that class.) "It was immediately clear when foreign hands were found in the World Trade Center bombing. . (Must have been messy.) . .demonstrated unmitigated (The rest have been mitigating their excellence, and I want it stopped, pronto!) . .showed excellent understanding of the English- lan- guage.? ?(Glad somebody here does. But whats that hyphen - 4-- found his self alone.? (Without no help?) ?Seldom has such a large accomplishment ?t into a sin- (For my next writing trap.? (Winner of the adjective of the year award, but don?t let this rater near any more hyphens.) Metaphorically Speaking oral (I prefer Haynes.) . .quintessential diamond in the (Transla- tion: hard to work with.) sure that the release of DO information does not result in an unmanageable mosaic.? (Annals of Flowerey Prose, Round 1.) Approved for Release: 2014/07/29 C00622789 ?He takes more time than most of his peers to travel from Key Building to Headquarters to community (Get this guy a horse! A map! Some- thing!) astride the divide between ops and analysis and pitching and catching with both (Quick, call the Orioles!) could squeeze traces out of a rock!? (Concealment devices get more and more clever.) is the spark plug which ?res the DCO engine.? (On all six cylinders?) ?This PAR is an effort to take the bushel basket away from X?s ?light.?" (Words ran us. And failed the rater, too.) Spell Check! . .heroine (Low bidder on the spell checker.) hit him with my thesauru. Kudos is not plural.) . has undergone a complete (Back to caterpillers again.) . .eompleted her 3 year trail period. . (Presumably somewhere out in the ?eld.) editorial (Glad she wasn?t in a hurry to get it done.) . .subject?s communications abilities . . .and . . .technical ?ne (The gift that keeps on giving.) . .more felictious in style." (Never met a style prob- lem she couldn?t lick.) ?Never requires editing for. . .grammer/spelling." (Maybe we can still get our money back on the spell checken) ?Beyond the cope of her assigned (Such as proofreading?) 8 Fl l'l Bloopers . .expresses herself verbally with equal ?are and ease." (Quite a ?ashy speaker.) Anchors Aweigh! enthusiastically immersed himselfm.? (Splash! Cat overboard!) . .pulling her (A failed attempt to rescue the person above.) ?She has'sailed uncharted waters in a nontraditional boat without hitting any rocks.? (Woman on board!) . .was thrown in at the deep end and performed swim- mingly.? (?There?s a whale in the bathtub," said Tom super?cially.) dived in with both feet.? (Straight 63 work on PARS here, but not at the Olympics.) persistence and tack." (By ?shing in trou- bled waters.) What Is Going On Here? ?You are welcome to rotate with us any time.? (We go around in bureaucratic circles.) is the third or fourth largestDO station in the world.? (Depending upon whether everyone shows up for work on the day we count noses.) had the misfortune of arriving at perhaps the worst period in station?s history: its physical destruction." (Of course, there was that one really bad hair day last week.) was impressed, several months ago, with how quickly understood what I was saying at a brie?ng.? (I mum- ble a lot.) ?She followed the instructions perfectly, as I knew she would?except for the yelling.? (She?s still learning to yell.) 100 Approved for Release: 2014/07/29 C00622789 Bloopers has spread her mantle of ef?ciency over him as well.? (Leaving us all gasping for air.) ?This individual was assassinated before Subject?s ops initiatives could be implemented." (If only Subject had met her deadline with that target studyl") ?Subject is also very thorough in the execution." (Just tell that to the of?cer above!) .extensive network of contacts within the outside of the (Is this person going up the down staircase?) a unilateral surveillance team running close behind.? (The team is training for the Olympics.) ?Laziness and greed began to pose handling prob- lems.? (Another great vaudeville team.) ?She takes the time to proofread her work and the results show.? (Whiteout all over the page.) sincerely thought a sanitized memo has to be ?rst boiled to remove ?ngerprints." (We do that only to get the whiteout off.) Math Check! ran 264 traces, three times more than the 145 she ran last year." (OK, if I have three apples and give you ?The newly formed 9-person in one point numbering 23 people? (Must be new math.) . .On 38 occasions, displayed a high degree of tact and diplomacy.? (As for the other 98,239 ?Although is only 1] days past the 120 day rule for writing a PAR, it is my pleasure to report that her per- formance has continued in the same manner as reported in her previous (Sets a standard by which all nonsequiturs will be evaluated.) 101 Approved for Release: 2014/07/29 C00622789 experts in the (Sounds like a job for a mathematician.) Call the IG. . .exercising an increasingly ?rm grip on her IS-3 reports secretary." (You?re choking me!) . .(our of?ce) recognized his talents and capabilities by awarding him several EPAs. While these are awarded on a fairly regular basis throughout the (Hey, it keeps him ?Ms. (well, it may be politically correct.) ?Mr. Subject.? (Apparently the spouse/brother of Ms. Subject.) Please, Don't Say It Again! ?Which brings me to a point that I simply cannot over- emphasize." (But watch me. These are not idle words.) ?As I have stated over and over, but feel it is worth repeating. (Would you mind saying that again?) me with little to add." (The reviewer then went on for 1 1/2 pages.) ?She exhibits no weaknesses which require improve- ment." (They're strong weaknesses in their own right.) Pointing Out the Obvious . .her job changed and evolved during her tour." ?(Evo- lution without change. What a concept!) ?For the record, in this Rater?s 31 years with the Agency as a Category of?cer, he has written only three overall 7 (This was not one of them, but thanks for set- ting the record straight.) Approved for Release: 2014/07/29 C00622789 Approved for Release: 2014/07/29 C00622789 ?eon?d'e1'rti'a'l? Bloopers ?Tedious it is, but it is the only why." (The Tao of Tedium.) ?She has the potential to be rated higher, depending upon her future performance.? (How do YOU spell ?tautology"?) .on arrival here. X's duties were new to him." (A surprise party? You shouldn?t have!) This article is CONFIDENTIAL W- 102? Approved forrRelease: 2014/07/29 C00622789