I was born in. ~pril of 1947 in G~. rgetown, British Guiann -(now. call~d ~ayana), on the north ~ast, coast of South America. My. father w~s an American of I~/tch dQ~c~nt wbos~ home was in Wisconsin.. He was an o~ficer i~ ~he' army air corps, later the Air Force. He %4as th. eldest of a large family, and had sad m~mories of his" childh~ in "the depression. ? He. could he charming and smo~h, and I "think may h~ve been a bit. 6f a womanizer. My mother..was born in Brit.ish Guiana. Her family was. colonial British.. I think one of my great uncles had g~vernor of the c~lony, - Her family, w~s. also large b~t she wa. not. the eld~t., she-se~ ~o h~vel hA~:a vo..r~ .happy.. ehi~'dhood," as she. often wo~-.Id entertain my tw~ -i,t~z~ and me W~th ..t-.~les of' l.o.ng?h.olid~ys in. T~.bago ana. Trl~i~a. ~, a, well She gr~w .up. n~ar the s~a in~ n~ ~arly sei~rant~s did ~he cle.aning and. c~ok~g, ..~es ~o~k ~m~o Of "the children. My m~..~her.did 'no~-~kn~W h~r ~ay ~arg..u~d a k~ch~n ~ntil she Was forced to pr~du. ~-m~a.ls ..after h~coming married. My.. father used to say he taught, morn to cook-. My ~arl.iest, m~ory, and OleM VANH 0687 York, Atlanta Georgia,. and VanNuys, California. Par~ of this time my fa~r ~s. a~y in ~~, ~d I ~hi~, Ja~n. i have vo~ few mo~os of those yo~8. I don't ~ow ~" effect my fa~or'8 ~onco ~d on me, ~t I ~8 ~ cl~or to ~ ~or ~d sisters. .The o~her m~mo~ies I'. ]~'v~ ~.r.e childhood s~alit~ msm~es of Sis~9~ ~t their ~6~, "~d ~. I ~V~ a ~d m~. of ~enti~ in t~le for pulling ~ ~ p~ta bf a i~ea. We-~d ge~ ~ught by ~he s~ll ~y's-~th~r ~ I r~er berg te~fi~ ~t I ~- going ~ ~. p~sh~. ~ it ~ed ~t my ~thgr ~ust~t01d me ~t'no ~ it a~in. After living two more plaaee in ~he Lo~ Angeles ar~a, and going to nw~ mor~ schools,, we mo~d tO a nice hcm/se in County n~ar Kno~c's Berry Fai: and Disneyland. There used be oranges there in .t/lo~. days. -I was ten y~ars .old. MY brother P~ter. had b~en born the pre%~i~/s, yea~, and brother, David, was ~rn when I was elev~i. So .w~. a .~t had ~w~ families : ? t~e one in Which I ~rew up With my. twO.. sisters, anda d~cade l~ter one with ~w6 smal~ bo~. we all.. went t~ Catho1~o schools...my fathar is a groan believer .in quality, education and he felt t~ nuns wer~ the frie .nda, ana..~ bo~.me an altarboy. I r~m~mb~ one "-frannic night when- I was i~. training and the priest in char~, told. OFM VANH 1 0688 that ~I cou'id not he an altar .boy becaus~ my Latin .pronunciation was so" bad. I went home sobbing and qult~. sure my father would be angry and di-sappoint~d. I hav~ a memory of him sitting at my b~dside and comfortin~, me. He Said h~ would get me a tutor. I. remember b~ing S~l~rised that I. was not in trouble, and I f~l thaK my father ~.mpathiz~d with his .frightened son. I don't "have many memories like .that. OFM VANH 1 0689 unavoidable, but nevertheless to be resisted. Consider the pleasure one might realize to be poison to the soul. I-get dreams were like 'poison candy, it tasted sweet, but would kill the immortal soul'; Any slip in a stalwart resolve to fight against the pleasures should he confessed immediately. Masturbation was unspealcably evil. 1 -swallowed; the in.struction.hook, line, and sinker. I would resist sexual pleasure forever. Every night I prayed that would be spared wet dream for fear I -would fail to resist. I wanted ._to remairgr. pre-pubescent. I didn't want to grow>> up into_ the confusingworld of adolescence'. Wheri I began -'to grow pubic: hair I secretly used an electric shaver to' remove it. I was terribly ashamed. I prayed that my penis would 'remain small ._1i)_ce -a boy's." I thought. men'B genitals were. ugly. I did whatever Zficould to _}:esist the inevitable, ar:r:5.va1_ of puberty. ihtoythis fear of sex, women, my father, was-_ the idea ef going off to the~semi'x1ary to be a . priest. to' think years' be-fore, and I don't idea was mine or n_1y as certainly eiicouraged it; and probably ._wo1-1-1d net -, any other Profession from' me. I was' glad to be going away from home, and 'se'n_1e bf my friends f:'coIh- eighth grade Qc?i'nfg to st. in Santa. Barbara also. I -remen-bar - - beiilg when 'my father -not-let: me g'o't:p my graduation dance-'with my' school friends. He said think, the. fathers at 'the' seminary would approve of dancing never but did as I was told. -At' the 'age. of. fourteen to" school. nf OF VANH 1 0690 ~ax had very little to do with auqything else- in my life at. th. a.t- " t~e. I knev..of no ~iaisons ~on.~ ~the. ztudan.t~?; or between t~e all ~.ale facuIL'y and s~uae~s. ? newer m~t~rba~ed," ~d I often. wondered what ot~er boys confe~ed so qf~n -- there was always a ~ ~t the confession~ b~ before the 6:IS ~ M~s. I had reache_~ puberty by -the tl~e I ~a~ a sophomore, ~ndI .supi~va.e Iha6 so~e wet ? ~eam~,. bu.t I w.a~ atill afraid of ~,..mbe~ ~.~?Lng in my bed md 9dni.t~s -- becau~ ~ie ahfmulaSi~n felt.-~eod. my first wet d~e.~, abatingthe ~ut~er some holy words so ~ ~ould not d.~. ~o. .It w~s a re~l ordea! OFM VANH 1 I vished I coulO ?~ntasize ,about 9irl~ but I was afrai~ to do 5o. I lived a very pure? life. When I was ajunior we had a sex education cou~e, whl.ch included basic f3?t3 and much morahb9. I was afrald to a~k que~tion.s and admired those who ~ere couzageou~ enough, to ~-ai~e. Lhei~ hands Once someone a~ked what ex-actly d~d "fuc~J mean? Their" was dead s~lence in the ?oo~. That WO~'d was ne'~ef heard at .hhe ~choel. The p~iest, e.~pl~, ed that it. wa~ ~ crude w~y .of . deno~.~_ng sexual intercourse. ? w-as gratefu! for ~!~e knowledg~, as ~ hadn' ~ ~. clue. wha~ it meant. 6rad.u.~y. msny of my friends left t~e ~chool.. They elth~r falled the-a~ade~A. cou~se.~ did .~ot ?seem to h~ve the correct atti .t~des, " ~ere 4i~.ob~4fen.t i~ w_rlous small w.~ys, or were simply jUdged "not :~ ha%'~ a vocation'. .Som~- left on ~ei~" own. At.~hri~tmas of mV "._ ~ophomore ~e.~r, fiv~ boys were. ~_ ~zlly e.~pelled after the school'6 .9.~mu~_l Chr~s~as. concer~. Their crLme: ~.~.. g wi~h some .glfls "after the c~nc4r-t. No contact with.the :~;,po~i~e ~ex ~ ~llowe.d. " .In._ 1965 I. gr.a~a.ted from the "high school: and writ directly .~to ~.~jo.r scmin.~. ~oI~.g in ~an Lni~ Bey., forty-.~il?~ abo~e S~x, ~i?.qo.. A,~in Lhe ~chooL was ~ closgd sys~.e~; capable of-functlonin.g ~lit~ Inde-g~nde.ntlv el..-the, res~ of the wO?10. Acad.emic~" were. .~po.~.t~T wer.e not a~ i~portm~.tas in h~h ~ChooL, Some m~..n join~:d our. ;.-~s~ who h~d ne~. been w~nh. us at ~he'mlnor ~e..mir~., Th%s.e were ~6nsidered ~del~?ed ."~c~t$on~" and were s.ome.wh~t ~u~peeb fr~m.,the start. For- those of us who had been together befor.e these new S~)Idents ~rrived.w~.th a refreshlng attitude ~-~hat things could.be do.no-d~ffo?ently~ This was the d~y of Pe~r, Pauiand M~ry, The Ham,s and. the P..ap.a~, and Bob Dy] .a~ We wo~Id sit 0~. n~r o?ch~xd .af~. ~uppef and ~-'.in9 p?otes~ son@s. It W-dO ~t .one.'6f these -~ession~ th~ some gu~ started talking about, m~st~rb~txi.on. I don't ~ .a~er ~hy the ~opi.c arose .or wh~ was s~d.. What I" d~d rea!~ze ~s th.~t, none of my classmates considered it wrong, and that I was ~,he orLiy one in the. ~o~p ~ho. did not d~ it. We had beex~, educated in a. fairly liberal spirit~ ~nd not only d~d my.classmates reject the categor.iz~tio~ of sin into 9enial ~nd mortals. but re.any of the~ questione.d the church's ex~tire approach re. ~%~, ethlcs, and.m.any:othp, r questlions. Fu~the,% the. facul]sy had rec.~ntl'=" been on "ze .~.e~t" with C~rl. ~ogers-who-ha~ introduced them t~ whole-new ~ray o.f relatiT~. Theze were an~oun .~er groups starte. talk of "getting out our feeling~'. Sometime,~ d~ys of recollection ? wGuld end "~ith the 9~oups holding hands and swaying to Iruli~n chant~. .by candl?-l~..~.~. I wa~ fr~.~hten.ed of much O~ thi~, ap.d -%-.void "..~..h~f..eely" se~.sion~: ~t the. atmO~icze ~ ~...W~. "f.r~. Ju,J,~en? .~nd ~m#~d .embracing, .. ~?c~p~n~, ~md- sh.ar~ng L ~ost of the new theolo@y in- the chu?ch, and was c.onside~'ed a b}- my f~mlly, but I was ne~er-?smfoftable ~th ~ome of the phy-~ic~l bypro;~uc~ of th~s new ren~ss~nce 0692 Autobiography: an insert. .. - One nlgl}t ~hen i ~',as m b6ardi~g school .I w.as..sleei~Ing alone in the .. infi~ because I w~s ~nning a fever. I must have been a ~0~ore or junior. I Wok~ up In-the night, ta f~d 6 pdes~ si.tti~ Sn ~g ~ a~d rea~ to ~ke my temperature, which h~ did. Then.he t~k elf the. covers,.l~t~ p~.jsm~ ~ops ~hd Iowere~ ~hq ~ott~ms. I:tM~.ta;-sto~ ~his, ~u~.he moved my hand ouLof the w~.-Then ~e p1~?~-~ fo~qdtowel ~n m~ ~hest. and:be.gan to n~D rny s-~emacn ~nd ~hest. I becamee~ fr~the st~mulaUon and h.ls.hand di~ ~b--aga~nst ~ pems sever~i ti~. I remember some distre~ at [his because I did not kn~w h~w mu~.o~" thls it, ~gb[ " t.o caus~ ~jacul.~tion..Before ~his di.~ ~oppen he ~Pp~d, ~Oyq~d-~e:~p, -!eft. The. whole thing.la.sted,.I ~ppose; about te~:~i~t~. The next. -m~ing. ~e asked me-if I had been awake when he.~me.i~ ..~hen. i-~d "y~s" he said ~hat he?w~s t~ing ~o lower m~ temperature b~ m~ki~g ~e ,I. thought ~il thi~ was 6-b~ odd, but ! ne~er told ongone abOUt i(- ~ndp~tty soon =t faded from my:memo~~ Wh~le I don't think it. is of~:~ol ~mpo~nce m m9 lifo, it ~s cuMous that th~s ~ n~arly the exact actiw~g ~ould.per~'orm ten to fi-ftee~ ye~s lo~er. OFM VANH 1 0693 I had ~ome ~e~nce ~a~g c~l~ re~on.~ Pen~eto~ ~I ~ ~e back ofmy ~d I ~d ~ be a c~id psy~lo~st; or ~Oci~ vor.~r, or ~acher.. I Oreg~ I ~ on a ~ .~ ?~.u of -older ~dol~acen~. ~ed. I ~d en]oy so~ of a frx~p~ a co~ " OFM VANH 0694 rd: -sides on ny little Honda motorbike and he pi I really liked her and" go {mg She knew at I -3.111 line to be .3 puaast. -. that prably 3tuLt1f1ed th 'felations-'p somewhat- "On the hand ahe elt safe. I dist ctly rex?er one night when 3. me: of us cos selots were 113' ng a"'get toethe:" at the house I Li-Jed. - en the dancinq tzurted I 'p"cke:1 because I rl1dn"t ovjshat to do- I didn't. know ow to dance; c:icuacd_ myself. am: unto my an . lucked t:he- or and has hated to visicona of a naked Lora. I also renenbr being very angry that I'va3' 59 inaquate. Eat?r th tssumer the. - (mp sfiowed ho? to_ dance.-' - I _lo?'e both alov. close dan_'c1ng. and th? f?1?ter..f er style- Once ?tarte. .71Xdian'r. want; to 'snap. and 1: nmmisd. tiauth 'to ?31150 entered .am1,I rate each. ether jen-the friendship I had gfi?flapyel, 'f?V't nonth: ago I thfew ofit the old 13 tars from her that-I -a:1_sav_d. all these' years. - - OIIM VANH 1 0695 ?.,~ girl!woman named~ We would go for rides on ~y .little Honda motorbike and have picnics.. I really liked her and re" got along well. ~he knew that I'~s. in line to be a priest, .and th.at probably st~tified the relationship somewhat. I~n r!le r, ther hand .~he felt .~afe I di.stinctly remember one-night ~Jhen a number-of us counselors we~-e h&v.in~ a "9~t to~ethe~" at the house where I lived.. When the dancing started I p~rdcked because I ,.~i@n't .~ow ~.%at ~o do.. I dadn't )~uow now ~m. d~n~e. ,~o.-I excused .~yse]_f, werit lnto my roam, io~ked the doer ~ ma~.t~xbated.te -,~sions of a naked~ also renemb~rbein ~.o ~nadeqtrat~...Luter.that.st~er the group s..howed ? i.Ibved both .~Ipv," close .dgncing, and the f.ast~r, ~,~r~9~ ! @~d~.:~ w-~nt .to ~r~p he, ~t~e~'?~e.nd I returned ~outh ~ C,ahfo~ia as~.e.n~e~.ed the Franciscan .no~ri~la~ in Sacramento. ~ud I wr6te each other a few ~.im~s, then the friendship faded. ha,l never even kissed her goodbye. A few month~ a.9o I threw out the. old l.etters fro.~, her that I had ~-av~d all th~e year~. ? -. ~.~h..ich we~itf"~n ~ve.r~.~ear~,. ~nd ~onclude in.-a "':o~.~1on c~izi~" o~ a vision .6~ a ~ebifhh." I- ju~followe~ the ? ,_-.~n~_~.~ t.oo~ ~W_.~.o~ jo~ ~o~n~ th~ pian4 Gu~a~ ~i~.~-~e ? ';~~~~ no~ ~4~ ~ " -~ .an emerge~ when someone got ~~th ~ a~d hel~ing, him ~'~j ~e a,~e,].-~., at:~racted~r.o ::.' O=~@.e - ay~ ~ervised. ~e boys' ~howers ~d bed-t~es~ OFM VANH I" 0696 "In novitiate I received the Franciscan robes and Began a -progran I which would run several years. and conclude in a 'final' connitnentl to life as :1 Franciscan and I never had a "vocation crisis' or _a vision or a_rebirth._. I just followed the 's-thedule, _basical1',' did as I was told, and kept my mouth shut. had always been skilled at pleasing authority figures. Hovitiabs pro-ged. rather boring, so looked for something else to do. My -zonfreres took various jobs around the plant, . as cleaning the s:hurch,~ cooking for the. group. _-or--teaching religion at the adjacent school. I wanted something outside of the place so that I couldbe more independent. I -applied as: -a job at :1 loc:il_Catho1ic -athiidrenfe hone which. had oneehe-sf: an orphanage amino? was a boar-fling and day school for many or ihon-had ..been assigned reasons-by the courts. I- started' . couple or hours. a day supervising the play period of 10 to year old boys. Sonetines on Sattirdaivs I worked all day, -or' - now and '_then- I 'would he called"-in on_ an energenoy when "someone got. lost or ran away. Ieas good at 313' job, ufrtderstood the chfi1'ld'ren ecu. '.and'vas ..-able to s_et.Iuy own in nov_ritiate._ 'mi:-was 'was supposed to he a carefully. regxllated. life- ffliis alpattern later heoane known' for; being able.-to set my own agenda on the edge of a group so that. no one ever knew e:-tactlg: what vans going on Tner-e eras' one boy at Patrick's Childr-en's Bone in-when I took_ special interest. Perhaps. he seemed nore vuljner:-ible. than the rest. 'Haj~he there was something about bin that vaa physically attractive' to me I used' to- spend extra tine talking withrhin and helping him his hoheuork. I never abused the boy or' touched his: 'i_napprop_riately;. but I clearly' was attracted to She mm in charge always supervisedthe boys' showers and in fact I was never there so late at night, so perhaps out, or at least voyolirisnims averted by the cirounstances. area': one yea]: of this 1- took leave of Sacramento and loved to Berkeley There I was enrolled in the Franciscan School of and becane 'number of the Graduate Iheoloqical tlniim. Hhile the Union had existed for sone years, it was only recently that Catholic students and faculty had begun no fihia pas an . ecmzenical educational 'experience. For I r'e'aiLly became inter'e'sted"in a.cadexica.'- I began vorkingfor an 3,15. degree in English church history. There was a' lot of rreedon given us . students and thoroughly enjoyed 'designing it? own progran. both in and in life {or the fiirst tine was not 1 filourished. 2. .ca11;aq{ie of a 93% in charge of music at; the Catholic college Heinan Center. Ibis" also functioned as an area parish. Knowing that I-was' interested -ho'5'5 choirs and music, he askedne-to thin}: about starting a boys OFM VANH 1 0697 choir at New~n. I d~.d so, i recruited ~nd treined the "~hoir ~le ~g m~y f~ends ~ ~a boys' ~en~s ~d s~. " I ~orked ve~ hard ~d ~e choir ~et ~ a ~eas~e of success. I ~as ~ h~py...I ~s inked ~t ~ften.b'] people co~ec~d t~ ~e choir. ~s ~lw~s, people see~ed ~ .t~st ~e ~plicitly. . ,hb.OU,~ nh~s same time. or possibly before, I mo~'ested my Izttle~ , _ in Oregon: I was.~taying, at ,~y s home, and vhile ~he OFM VANH 1 0698. ~y d~:'~tUrb~ng, th.eughlts and a6tions. I trie~ to tell ~ ~ranciscen .counsellor about it on-t~o-ecc~s~ons~ I .always. un. ed such-a roundabout present~..tion that at neither time di'd he di.scov~r-what ! was ~Iking ab'0ut. I. ~ould hint, he would stab, ~nd we~i33ed each ohh.ez.enL~e'ly~ Once ! ~aid that I. whs wor~ie~ a~out. the attra~5io~= boy~:w~re t~ me. H~ ~a~d he k~V wha~ I meant, that he ~u~d JJ~ke ~o" spend more of his time visit~ .rf~ e]derl~, b~ he still-had to l~av~- e~gh tlme for his .ao~dem~cwOrk_ How wa~ my ma~ter"~ the~i~ ~oming, etc. ? .... OFM VANH 1 0699 Ph#e~,. &nd. ~ ~ ~? bf .i976 I ~s erd~ed-a pfiest ~ ~ ne~ ~, M~'~ ~.~edr~ in ~. P~ci~co~. Here was~ fo~ po~t of foemen ye~ of .s~ ~d ~ng. ~ f~!y prou~y posed me fo~ pho~g~hs. My p~xeh~-: were be~ing.. X~ mo~er's .p[lest u~ ~. say ~ her, "You ~e ve.<~ .blessed --. ~e mO~eN of o?i~st.- -My s.is~fs had ~w~ do~ ~a.t.I was dO~ ~ ~ng wm~ my ~fe, but on ~at- d~y ~ ~e. fo~o~g. ~ ~ ~s e[emen~.~ ~acher e~a~on p~o~ atbeen. acqepted ~d ~e ' i ~;as ping ~e ne~'steD~ I h~d &~ Berkeley, ~ hop~g ~ ten~ ~I~ ~e pro~cm~ met ~ m~~d I ~[~ed ~t ~y pl~' were Hi4 were different St. 5e~n~-y ~ S~ B~'b~a ~ despe?a~ fo? a ~acher, ~d ~ ~e ~. go ~er~.' ~e s~ool h~d ~h~ed.ra~y ~z I .has ~c~eua~ed t~ ye~s before. ~nd ~ ~d n~t ~e m~ ne~ pohcmes.. ~ue D~o~n,:z)!.. who ~eaL~ded ~e of my vow of obe~ence. A'few ~ee} ~;e ushe_re ~_nd lectors referred r~o me ~s -r_he rookie'. At tames [ wa~ .~ne en~y qne resident at the ~.3hoo!, a l.~rge: four-ato~, stoff~ " OFM VANH ? 0700 In zany vaysthe-ourIiQu1Lm gas now up to. data and building connected with dormitories, classrooms, cavernous halls, -Jar}: passages. The grounds cover 31:--:teen acres, One night a man clmbe-:l 1._n my fluid-story bedroom Lnn-ion and said he was the son of god. I was lonely. -:onfu.5eri. inexperienced, and angry -1- -.- . 5:18 fa-nulls? students arty:-3:1 E.-1 bone 2-=-as the middle class :--.tudent bod" 3 1' pl I -3 True to Jae meal. the schoolthe poor. '-iha those who badly ed a good. education to It a noble cause, -and among were some fzne young men. some of whom become I .-- -.1. .1. I 3. the boon -ilgopp?d. Latin and oer>>: -sage: and so on. I to replace two poop}: -. had loft, and no nje:nber_ wanted to increase . 13 'teaching load, so as new man on-the resin I _cox=;rses that had bean taught by two men, I had-neirernbe?n m' 'before as 3 toacha_r,' was given a heavy work load. first E':os'n_ social studies, Sophomore history (1 'and_ upper division artiaausic appreciation, and Sonia: the their director quit. justbefore this =;;n_nuaL concert. so} took ov?er Ella; I var>> dean and <.e" ~ do ~is. but r kgpt. as)~g ~eg~ng) ,~,t.r! he" [ ons~nte.d. ? . Someti~es I would t~%ke .sgme bovs on a s~eciaI bohin9, or on" wi~ me. ~u~y I ~ok fo~ boys, but so~e~e~ 6~y ~o. ~e boys. I gave ~e s~e ~e of ~re~ent, that ~s, "~ ~s" ~cluded so~e ~b~ of ~e genit~s "~o ~ fe~ boys ~ were ~.~ of ~he~ had been ~ ~e boys choir. ~t least o~ more ~sn ~ ~cc~ed ~e of ~olest~9 h~ ~ ~s ~y, but I d~'t ~e do.~ories. ~or ~ ve~ lon9 t~me ~e offlc~ z~por~ on In "-9~3 we took the boy~ and men's ch0~r to ~ngland for the second. time.. ~fter t.he choir returned, 3z~oth~r adult nnd I and t~o boys ?o:i~.-~nued ~J r~ur-. ~ach night I ~o..u~, ~ve on~ o~ both o]~ the ~V~ .a "~.fCk ~" ~bi~h i~lude~ touches .~n ~e a~6~of ~heif ~hoir director in southern .~alif. was being charged with child OFM VANH | OTOS ... \ ' molesting for touching some of the boys' genitals. I was terrified .end~ shocked. For the first time it before me that 'shat I had - tween eoing could be -zlaasifiee crimnal behavior. I became paranoid. I inuagine-:1 that ever'; bogs' parents read and ed to question their eons abut ne? 'I't_1i3 brought on 3-13. -I I be feund out. Bf course I could tell.' ed to think clear 3' but -:ouJ.dn' t. I bare 3' slept at 1 1. I 1-ied their fE2Ial1}.le3. told myself my lire '1 o_1' Li: '='=creir; I 're a - :nen',v' uonzen, of eh-am gere connected to the chair, I lead. ever been invitations the pest. I had potsally nissecl then. pl over, I no anaqe had been done and could not The only good hing I could do was to commit suicide - trim: oane out. bothered by the fact that I did seem L9'-he able to plon I also rnshegl I lrgnev zuoreof neralists were factually I was frozen Smell'; I 7'1 or' eugqeeted I_see pajrehologi?t. With, really no no see his and eventually . I never gave him -enough was tel'. 5-f_ my fancasie ir:fc>>r:uai:ien to "me. 21': =~mat I remember, but . 5 the sessions he--.ped ae 5113': I serized to get better. By new had an-.1 'eke Yeas beck 'on' its practice 3cZ1e- oeened'-to treat me okays.' resolved . F3: to i:-men in 3 way that trouble. I was still donstia.-tuily are-mo boys. occasionally' had one stay: the in 3 separate still eu'pervised- showers, .-one en tripe. Sun. I -no ded nibbing-their an-: .. 3 eff, nude: How, 'High the-tacit of my I 'siarted atjcention never beiore been' with. a <