Date with Destiny 9 December 2018 TR = Tony Robbins SR = Sage Robbins 00 00 00 TR What I call emotional abuse I wanna show you how it can fuck up your life and your business, and why our culture is really under siege 'cause we now take words and we modify life experience with words that bring so much pain to it but again we do it in a way to be a victim because victimhood is now rewarded in our culture. [inaudible] it’s now leverage, someone can now come and make claims about anybody and everyone jumps to support them and everybody believes one point of view like it used to be only one point of view, one side perhaps now it’s [inaudible] point of view neither one is right. 00 00 40 In fact what she likes to call it she likes to call it emotional abuse. What the fuck is emotional abuse? Are we that fucking weak that someone can't tell you with passion what they fucking feel without them abusing you? Where have we come up with this shit? No wonder so many people are in such pain. Remember I told you the metaphors Date with Destiny December 2018 Intervention​ Page 1 used control what you feel, she is languaging the end of her relationship and she’s been doing it for a long time and she’s a good lady, you can feel her, she’s sincere, she’s loving but she is possessed by a set of words that the culture’s given her to have power when she feels powerless. And she’s not powerless, she’s focused on herself which is making her powerless, she’s focused on her needs, we've not heard one thing in the last 12 minutes about his needs. 00 01 39 And we’re already characterising it as emotional violence, there’s no fucking thing, someone can say fuck you, you fucking asshole and it doesn’t do a thing to you unless you do it. If a child came to you and said “Purple eyes, you have ugly purple eyes” we should go “Emotional violence”. Or would you just slap the shit out of that kid, is that what you’d do? Would you go report that, would you put it on the internet, would you tell people your child’s emotionally abusive, some parents actually do that now. What the fuck – when did you become a fucking child, and your kid’s in charge, are you that fucking stupid and weak? Are you allowing the culture to take control of your own mind by a few words because they allow you to feel significant and certain? Date with Destiny December 2018 Intervention​ Page 2 00 02 30 Now I know what I'm saying is not popular and somebody could film this on the internet so we’ll cut things out of it and say Tony’s doing something abusive I've already been through this shit, I don’t give a fuck, here’s the truth. [Music] 00 02 54 TR Emotional abuse will also mean this was his intention to abuse her. And today people assume anybody uses a word they look for any word, any sentence, any phrase and create it as something else. Only one reason it gets them power. But this is not healthy power, this power will corrupt your soul. See if you want a great life, most people don’t win the game of life number one 'cause they don’t even know the purpose of the fucking game. It’s not to win and beating someone out, that’s not life. The purpose of life is to love and to grow and to give, to find a unique way to do those things. That requires learning, learning requires mistakes, everyone around you is making mistakes, including you. If you’re only seeing theirs you're so insincere, you’re so full of shit, you’ll never amass lasting happiness. 00 03 59 And all of us even [inaudible] are really conscious have made these mistakes at times, who’s made these mistakes? I have as well so I'm not Date with Destiny December 2018 Intervention​ Page 3 lecturing you, I'm Just saying we have to put a line in the sand and stop this shit and this lady's a really nice human being, she's not mean at all you can feel her but she's adopted a pattern that is abusive right now. Right now she's already doing it, -did a version well we hear it more now With a different gender because there's a whole pendulum that's been thrownyour lace, can be in your tone of voice, you know exactly what I'm talking about (yes). But you don't see that all you see is how Date With Destiny December 2018 Intervention Page 4 the other’s not meeting your needs and now with a few words you can demonise anyone. And you're getting knowledge from others for it. See here’s how you lose the game of life: number one you don’t know the purpose of the game. Tomorrow we’re gonna have you figure out what your purpose is and it’s not this giant fucking thing you need to make significant. It’s probably pretty simple like to learn, love, grow, to give, to expand, to glorify God, my family, life, whatever. It’s pretty fucking simple, but we try to make it significant so it feels significant but most people don’t know the purpose of the game but here’s the second piece why they lose they have lots of rules about how the game should be played. 00 06 06 Tons of rules never mind last night he didn’t even know the purpose of the game but he had lots of rules how to be played that’s why it was so tough for him and he’s not the only one as we all know. The third reason why people don’t win the game of life: they don’t know the purpose they got lots of rules, their reason their rules are in conflict, how you win look before you leap, he who hesitates is lost – what the fuck. Fourth, they don’t know the purpose of the game, they’ve got lots of rules, the rules are in conflict, here’s the fourth problem this is what’s happening in the culture – when you do the wrong thing the culture of the now reinforces you and gives you pleasure Date with Destiny December 2018 Intervention​ Page 5 and support for the wrong thing which then reinforces you to more of the wrong things that will make you unhappy for a lifetime. 00 06 52 Fifth, or whatever number I'm on, I make this shit up…[crowd laughing] When you do the right thing you often get penalised. In the world we’re in today do the right thing and people attack you 'cause nobody wants to hear the right thing they only want their version of the story. And finally they take themselves way too fucking seriously. You want to know who wins the game of life here it is – one you know the purpose of the game because you decide what it is and it’s not this big significant thing it’s more about what life is calling me to bring not what I'm gonna fucking get – that’s her first problem, that is her number one problem I've heard nothing about what she’s supposed to be giving this relationship she’s thinking about there for her child every day but she’s not thinking about her intimate relations, she’s not mentioned them once not an iota and this is supposed to be her vision for a relationship. 00 07 45 And look she’s a sweet beautiful lady I'm not attacking her if you think it you are not listening. I'm attacking the problem not the person. The problem is this kind of thinking, the problem is this kind of language that we abuse, we call it Date with Destiny December 2018 Intervention​ Page 6 abuse in others, the problem is we don’t see ourselves so you want to win the game of life, decide what the purpose is. Second have a lot less fucking rules I guarantee that’s one of the problems in this relationship. 00 08 13 And she doesn’t know any of his, she knows what hers are have a lot less rules too many rules you're gonna be stressed out it’s not gonna work. Third do you know the purpose you don’t have too many rules – align those rules so that they're not in conflict which we’ll be doing tomorrow. Fourth, if you're a leader and you do the right thing, reinforce yourself because no one else fucking does [crowd cheering]. And if you do the wrong thing give yourself pain not forever for a short time. Everyone deserves redemption who’s fucking wrong forever 'cause they said something or did something what the who came up with these rules. They're not anything to do with our society. 00 08 51 And lastly, why do angels fly? Because they take themselves lightly. [Applause] 00 09 04 Tell me something. Date with Destiny December 2018 Intervention​ Page 7 Attendee This is, I actually, in some way I'm so happy about my son and all of that stuff today because today is the first day after 7 years that I feel the [inaudible] 00 09 22 TR For your son? I know that and I'm not here to talk about your son don’t you fucking understand this, you’ve made your son the centre of your universe that’s why your man is not there. Attendee No, this is - TR Yes. Yes. Attendee I haven’t looked at him in the eyes in 7 years. TR Who? Attendee My son. 00 09 38 TR What has that got to do with your husband? I love that you have a beautiful relationship with your son but if you want to see why most relationships are fucked up here it is. We’re here talking about an intimate relationship and all her love is going into her son, it’s a beautiful thing but that son is gonna be spoilt so fucking rotten he’s gonna expect that every woman is gonna have to be on Date with Destiny December 2018 Intervention​ Page 8 him hand and foot like his mother was. He’s gonna be fucked up expecting the whole world to baby him and when it doesn’t happen, he’ll see it as emotional abuse. She’ll absolutely take this boy who may be feminine but if he’s not he’s masculine she will put the mask on him she already has. And then he’s not gonna understand why he can't get polarity with feminine girls at some stage so put a mask on top of this mask which will feel phony and pretty soon he won't know where the fuck he is. 00 10 28 He’ll grow up to become a pleaser and then women will like him at first because he’s safe but then they’ll lose passion for him and disrespect him because they can manipulate him 'cause he’s never built the centre, because it takes a mother and a father and most people don’t have that anymore. And mostly he’s out there you’re busting your ass to be both and some men out there busting an ass to be both and none of us are good at both. But we've got to find some way – she has no reference for what masculinity is, except that she’ll be attacked if it doesn’t match how she likes the way we feel. That’s what she’s teaching her son or she’s teaching him how to [inaudible]. 00 11 11 I applaud that part let’s see right over there you see Sage’s mum and dad have been together Date with Destiny December 2018 Intervention​ Page 9 more than 50 years. Why don't you share, why don't you share what they taught you honey. 001150 Date With Destiny December 2018 Intervention Page 10 0012 43 001315 TR [Applause] 0013 33 TR Did you hear that -- I want you understand what she just said. The kids are second, the biggest mistake in our culture In the last two decades that's fucked kids up is making them first. An entire generation has made them first. [inaudible] It sounds like it should be the right thing to do to put them first but when you put them first they think the whole world revolves around them they'll never have a great relationship 'cause no one else they've been raised the same way the whole world revolves Date With Destiny December 2018 Intervention Page 11 001417 TR 0014 36 SR TR 0015 02 around meand mum and dad said were first we love you guys but were first so you know what you think that makes your kids feel insecure, it makes them more secure because they see a couple that totally adore each other and nothing will divide them and that makes their life secure [inaudible]. [Music] The only reason she does it with her kid is because she's gutless. I'm not attacking her I'm saying what her emotional pattern is and she'll call all this emotional violence it she wants later because I'm talking loud and intensely' truthfully. You don't know, you said you know multiple times but you keep coming back to your child' I adore that you love your child I think your child deserves all your love, what your problem is you've not put your hierarchy in place in your relationship and that's why it's dyingt I'm not suggesting he's the perfect guy, I'm not even suggesting he's a good guy I don't even Date with Destiny December 2018 Intervention Page 12 know I don’t know anything about him I know this pattern will work with no man long term. No woman long term 'cause it’s all me me me and when I don’t like things I can come up with a metaphor that makes me the victim and they're the violent one. If we’re that weak you should hang it, hang it up right now and just decide to be alone the rest of your fucking life or miserable with somebody. We can't be so fucking fragile, we’re not but you know what? When you don’t face things over again you get weaker and weaker and weaker and pretty soon your world gets smaller and smaller and smaller and you get more miserable because the only thing that makes us happy is progress. Progress in our love, progress in a relationship, progress – what lit her up is progress with her son. I love it, I acknowledge completely what makes me insane is that she is using that same fucking belief structure and thinks he’s the problem. 00 16 08 Don’t get me wrong, I bet he’s unconscious and that he’s fighting for his part of the world, I bet he’s not fulfilling her needs at the level that he should. But that’s something you can figure out together if you don’t demonise each other. This couple over here is doing it, it’s called kindness. It’s called putting each other first. You know, watch your children flourish. Date with Destiny December 2018 Intervention​ Page 13 0016 31 SR - 00 16 57 Attendee I would say that demonlsing someone Is to make them guilty is that correct -- would you define It that way? SR Attendee I understand that. SR -- you been emotionally violent towards him? 00 17 24 Attendee Yes and when I say [Overlapping speech] Date With Destiny December 2018 Intervention Page 14 TR Attendee 0017 34 TR [Applause] 00 17 46 Attendee TR Attendee 00 18 17 TR Attendee What the fuck is emotional violence what did you actually say or do? In reality, I was totally unconscious by saying that term right now. Yes you were, thank you {or that. There has been physical violence. Tell me about that. And before you tell me about that I wouldn't condone that in a trillion years {or any man for any woman or earth I'd bust their fucking head myself. However, what led to that? What role did you play? I'm not suggesting there's any excuse for hitting a woman so hear me but I also want you to know that people don't just act a certain tucking way. I thoroughly understand, what led to that was that You didn't want to what? Date with Destiny December 2018 Intervention Page 15 TR Attendee TR Attendee TR 00 19 1O Attendee TR But this is not the physical violence I'm reterring to. Ok but you just described it in a way that would make it sound that way, how many god damn [inaudible]. Listen to the words you're using. He that sounds like somebody that actually wants to engage With you because he loves you, even it he's frustrated he does it because he really wants -- otherWIse he'd Ignore you. Yes, yes Tony, I agree. You haven't told me what I asked what really [inaudible] don't just tell me you didn't want to talk that's not it that would not have led him to anything of that nature. Can you be honest even Date With Destiny December 2018 Intervention Page 16 for a moment with yourselt, you've been honest about the way you used the term can you go deeper I'm Attendee I'm gonna have to go deeper to find out. TR Let's do It. 00 19 29 Attendee TR A little bit what? Attendee -- 00 20 02 TR Rigid. What's your model of a man? Attendee My model ot a man? TR Is it rigid? Is It very specific? Are there rules what you think It should be and he's not? Date With Destiny December 2018 Intervention Page 17 Attendee No I just the only thing that I need is respect. Respect and a better -- 00 20 20 TR Now we know what the problem is, I don't have to go any further. Attendee OK please tell me. (crowd laughs) TR Respect is the value that's used in prison. Respect leads to angry violence always it the person is animated in any way. If they have any high level of energy, it's anger at minimum and it can definitely become violence. In prison you don't give me respect I fucking kill you. What did I tell you the other day what tomorrow there's certain values that it they are the top of the list I know exactly what they're gonna do. 00 21 01 So when SR -- [Applause] 00 21 12 TR Actually, love doesn't even evaluate respect but love is something greater than respect. Date with Destiny December 2018 Intervention Page 18 [Laughing] And it doesn't evaluate it 'cause if you're searching to value if you're respected enough you'll always be questioning the minute you question something it produces doubt. The minute you doubt you'll feel that feeling. You've not been respectful even one time to this man that I can think of maybe I've missed one, has anyone heard anything respectful about this man so far in the last 20 minutes. Even one word. So this is the pattern that will seduce us my friends if we're not careful. We only see the other we don't see ourselves. We don't see our role in it because our society no longer demands that of us. It's just about pointing fingers and blaming people. And by the way, you don't even have to prove it anymore or anything. What are you talking about? Date With Destiny December 2018 Intervention Page 19 SR Attendee TR Attendee TR Attendee TR I don't know. That's what we tried {or 7 years. You know what? Just stop the whole 7 years fucking bullshit. What is this? You've said that 5 fucking times is that like 18 months is that like a special date for you? No that's what he used to tell me. Look everything is him. Do you see this? He told me that happened. I'm not responsible for my own fucking thoughts. Can you hear yourself? I do. No, you don't. You go right back to the same pattern. You think this is about him. Then why are you talking about him the entire time? I even said, I want to talk to somebody [inaudible] the persons here. Why did I think that? 'Cause it we're going to deal with an issue, we should have both people here because then you'd hear both sides oi the stow but she chose to deal without him here for a vew good reason, he can't say anything, he can't interrupt her he can't tell her she's full oi shit, he can't bring up other issues. Date with Destiny December 2018 Intervention Page 20 00 2319 This is what she does in her life, I guarantee she's got girlfriends she has these discussions with and they think he's horrible too. By the way, I could have kept on this feeling so high and beautiful. I did this deliberately, remember how good it felt a few minutes ago and took that away deliberately 'cause this is what's real you guys go home for some of you and this pattern I didn't know it was gonna be this pattern but I knew if I had 2 people in the room you'd all see kind of like a really great lady, I can see she's a great lady, look how she demonised that guy leaVIng out [loud banging]. It took us fucking two and a half hours to get the [inaudible] the real shit. I'm not gonna give you Date With Destiny December 2018 Intervention Page 21 two and a half hours. She was at least honest you aren’t, you pretend to be and because you come in a package that’s sweet we tend to then listen to this and assume it’s true ‘cause she seems so kind and sweet and she’s such a beautiful mother. I think all those things are true. She’s just completely fucking unconscious. I hope you can feel that every person’s life is a warning or an example. You’re seeing a warning right now she can become an example if she chooses to but it’s clearly a warning. 00 25 10 And you know what? Warnings are not comfortable, I prefer not to have them but it’s usually the most powerful part of the seminar because you won't fucking forget it. And not all of you are gonna agree, some of you think I'm being harsh with her right now and you have every right to do that if you want to do that but you're not listening if you do. I don’t have one ounce of anger towards her, I have unbelievable intensity against this pattern because it destroys couples, it destroys kids’ lives because the couples do it and it is so fucking promoted it’s out of fucking control. 00 25 41 And at this point, it’s fed by the media, it’s fed by people, it’s fed by social media and there’s no fucking truth anymore because no one asks the Date with Destiny December 2018 Intervention​ Page 22 critical questions anymore. And the assumption is he's guiltysomeone physically harms you, get the fuck out and you can have them punished support that a million fucking percent. But what I find when I usually dig in, and I take the time, what they call abuse is a re-Iabelling of they didn't like what the person said or did - Date With Destiny December 2018 Intervention Page 23 hit her tucking I'd love to hit him myselt, that's just my own nature I don't support that a million but I want you to get the tucking pattern because this pattern is what's destroying things and what she is not revealing that every man knows is women will say a tew things they would never tolerate from their man in a trillion -- gentleman how many know what I'm talking about make some sound. [Crowd cheering] [Inaudible] kill another fucking man over? And she'll edit that out of her conversation -- things don't just happen, now if he's an [inaudible] he really is, there are men like that -- that's not most but she wouldn't have been there for 7 years if that's what he really was. We co-create these relationships. we oo-oreate these dynamics instead ot the tact that holy fuck he is not running away from me he's trying to get Date with Destiny December 2018 Intervention Page 24 through to me somehow. Most men are really [inaudible] at communicating their emotions. Right, ladies? 00 28 34 So what do we say, you need to reinforce them for approximately good behaviour he’s trying to pee and he gets it on the toilet but he’s new, still give the attaboy for a moment at least he hit part of the toilet. Then you can raise the standard as time goes by. What the fuck do you want? Why didn’t you stand up because all you’ve done is justify your situation you’ve never once mentioned one thing about a vision for this relationship or what you respect about this man, you want respect or what you love about him all you want to do is tell us what a great mother you are. 00 29 11 Attendee No it’s because I feel guilty. TR Because you what? Attendee I feel guilty. TR You're not. You can feel guilt but you're not what you're doing is you’ve built the world where you can feel good about yourself, it has nothing to do with reality. It’s a one-sided view of life. You can make yourself feel healed and go off to do Date with Destiny December 2018 Intervention​ Page 25 something else but he will always be the father of your son. Do you know how many times I've been in this environment? I've had women like this tell me things that [inaudible] and none of it is true I had one woman just recently at a Date With Destiny, who made up the whole story, told the police that her kid, her husband was abusive and he’s never touched the children and he didn’t get to see them for 4 years. But she got reinforced by all her girlfriends and she had this whole story where he was abusive you see I'm not a good person to lie to 'cause I can read you like a fucking book and I dug in until she finally cried and admitted the whole fucking thing – can you imagine doing that to this man and his children? But this culture allows it. 00 30 09 ‘Cause she seems so upset and hurt and sad. Her sadness was she’s miserable inside, it wasn’t him. And by the way, they had a terrible relationship, they weren’t good for each other but that’s no reason to demonise someone to their own children. That’s unconscionable. And you’ve done it here with all of us, I know you’ve done it with your kids – don’t fucking lie to me. What do you want? You stood up what was the purpose you're standing up to tell us you're healed? I don’t give a fuck you're not. Date with Destiny December 2018 Intervention​ Page 26 00 30 43 If that sounds harsh to all ot you [Inaudible] it's better to tell the fucking truth because that's the only way she'll ever be free. If she thinks this is freedom, she's In tor a lot more pain. She teels guilty. What has that got to do With how she's behaving? If she's guilty, she's not correcting any ot it. {eel guilty so I can continue to demonlse. What the tuck is that? There is no excuse and the person who's hurt most by it is her children in the long-term and the second will be her and the third will be himDate With Destiny December 2018 Intervention Page 27 TR SR TR [Applause] 00 32 41 It's ugly. And she's not, she's more than misbehaving, that's the only reason I'm still standing here do I really need to do this also it doesn't do good for me because some of you are going to be pissed at me. They're not gonna remember the truth they'll say he was so harsh at that woman I thought Tony was such a nice guy. Look at him hours and days at giving wow -- boy he isn't good with women like that is he. If good is doing what she wants to hear then you came to the wrong fucking place. And what she wants to hear is what she's doing and it's why she's in pain. She's not qualified to know what's true in this situation anymore because she's told hersell the story so much she believes this shit. And all of us do this at times, some patterns just get more out at control than others and I only have this conversation because the line in the sand deserves to be struck by those ol you who hear this and it makes sense to you. Those that don't then they ignore it, go back to your own business and I'm cool with that, I'm not here to tell you what to believe but I want to bring your attention to this one 'cause it's destroying more families than I know ol any other Date with Destiny December 2018 Intervention Page 28 pattern. And it’s, there’s no excuse for it, no excuse. [Applause] 00 33 29 TR What do you want? I asked you to share your vision you’ve never done it, you’ve instead shared with me all this shit you’ve accumulated in the way you can describe your soon-to-be ex. Attendee That’s not what I want. TR Well what do you want? 00 33 44 Attendee What I wanted was to get some understanding what the heck is going on with me. TR You’re getting it, you just don’t like it. Attendee No I thank you for this, I thank you for this TR What are you thanking me for so I understand? Attendee What I'm thanking you for is to bring me back to my awareness to try to find my core. TR What are you finding? 00 34 07 Date with Destiny December 2018 Intervention​ Page 29 Attendee 00 35 05 TR Can you just for a moment honey please, can you not hear that everything Is about you? Are we down to your child-fucking-hood, how old are you? Attendee - TR No that's about 5 Is what I was listening to. You're still walking around like you're 5 years old emotionally, your pain Is 'oause you've made Date Destiny December 2018 Intervention Page 30 everything about me, me, me. My mother was on the ground I had to the – who gives a fuck it’s why I'm who I am today. You’ve got it as an excuse for how you are I got it as a stimulus to become more. Attendee So it’s selfishness? 00 35 40 TR What do you think? All you’ve talked about the entire time you're at this is the perfect warning, is me, me, me what you didn’t get from your mother, what you didn’t get here, why you couldn’t have anything and then you did it with your husband and everything is an excuse because here’s the truth you don’t like where your life is and instead of saying “holy fuck I've created this and when I'm conscious I need to change this” you give us every reason from your mother to your husband of why it’s not the way you wanted it to be but it’s not your fault but hey I'm a good mom look at how much I love my kid. 00 36 19 This is all about self-aggrandising you there hasn’t been still one word about anything good about this man and even if he’s the most evil fucker on the planet wouldn’t there be some good in the relationship ladies and gentleman yes or no. If she’s married there must have been some – she had a child there must be some. You’ve not had one word about his needs that’s why you're Date with Destiny December 2018 Intervention​ Page 31 gonna be divorced, that’s why you're miserable and you can't upgrade from that. 00 36 46 You can only upgrade by telling yourself the truth and I don’t need you to beat yourself up either I just need you to stop the fucking lying to yourself. 'Cause you play the role so well, it’s so sympathetic and most people would never do what I’m doing right now this is risky business. I don’t give a fuck I'm here for the truth for your truth so you can be free so your child can be free. [Music] 00 37 16 You’re telling me thank you but you know, there’s no I'm not looking for your thank you, I'm not asking you to give me anything I'm inviting you to wake the fuck up and become an example instead of a warning ’cause soon this’ll end and you’ll be one or the other, I'm OK with either one, I prefer you as an example I'd like you to have a joy to work it out but I'm more committed to your joy than you are 'cause you think joy’s gonna come by getting certainty that your significant enough and that you're the good person in this group. And by the way, I don’t know this man I'm sure he has some great qualities and he has some shit qualities I have some great qualities and shit qualities, who else has some great qualities and shit qualities say aye. Date with Destiny December 2018 Intervention​ Page 32 003911 If all you've told is the shit qualities I know you're a tucking liar 'cause there's no such person. Even the ones we demonise, even - -ho wants to kill [inaudible] remember and killed strangers on the street, he shot [inaudible], had kindness in him, he took the gun off because he couldn't have that elderly women witness that -- what the fuck, he's supposed to be totally evil. The woman at McDonalds with the young girl he couldn't do that to her, even a guy like that, even a guy that seems to be tucking completely evil has some good in them. If you believe othenNise you're just doing it because you don't want to think, or you want to make yourself {eel special or you want to feel sate 'cause all the evil people behave a certain way. I would suggest this is evil behaviour demonising another human being who is the mother or lather of your son or daughter, who you've been with tor 7 fucking years. I still haven't heard what you want and I'm running out oi time because there are other things to do that will actually be somewhat more uplifting thank God. But maybe not more important, how many follovfl Date with Destiny December 2018 Intervention Page 33 Attendee TR Attendee 00 40 33 [Crowd cheering] I'm willing to go uncomfortable for a higher good. I love the wave, I know how to take this, I can make this whole night just total wave of fun for mostly good right. Laughter [inaudible] mostly there but this I didn't pick her knowing what she was gonna say but I knew if I had 2 people here we'd get to some shit that's dark and deep and we'd get some good lessons uniortunately we don't have the other side here, which makes me have to try to bring some truth to the middle. Even though I don't have all the details when see these details and these details are clear bullshit not because she is a liar because she's lying to herself. Because she's done it so often she doesn't even know the difierence between the truth and a lie any more. That is correct. Thank you, I know. I wasn't looking {or your affirmation but thank you. I'm curious to know what it would take for you to understand what you want -- are you getting divorced? [Crowd and TR laughing] Date with Destiny December 2018 Intervention Page 34 TR Do you think there’s any possibility of a relationship with the way you think and talk about this man? Is there any man in this room you think would want to be with this woman if she communicated this way about him outside his presence to 5,000 fucking strangers and doesn’t stick up for him on even one thing? Is he a good father, does he love your son? Attendee Yes. 00 40 56 TR Has he loved you, has he looked out for you, does he put up with you when you’ve been a crazy bitch, have you ever been a crazy bitch, ever? Attendee Probably, yes. [Crowd laughing] TR Probably? Attendee Yes but I don’t – yes. TR But but you don’t what? Her defence is I don’t – know him? 00 41 14 Attendee No, no I'm saying I don’t know your definition but probably [inaudible]….yes yes. Date with Destiny December 2018 Intervention​ Page 35 TR [inaudible] What’s your definition of a crazy bitch? Attendee Well to me would be a screaming and like blaming him, blaming. [Crowd laughing] [Music] 00 42 14 TR So you’d like to stay married to him – why? Shouldn’t this guy be out, strung up and shot? The way you describe him, he certainly should and I would normally join you if I didn’t know you were lying. Not that you're lying that he is not behaving in ways that are great all the time or even harsh. But just I know by your body that you're lying, I know by the words, I know by the context that you're lying 'cause nobody is evil in every moment or you wouldn’t have been there for 7 years. Attendee I don’t believe he’s evil in every moment. 00 42 53 You certainly portrayed him as evil and you are the innocent one. So if you wanted to be married to him why do you want to be married to him? I still haven’t heard one good thing about this man, has anybody else am I missing it? Has anyone heard one word of kindness or respect or acknowledgement for the fact that this man loved her, married her, had a child with her and has put Date with Destiny December 2018 Intervention​ Page 36 00 43 30 Attendee TR Attendee TR Attendee TR Attendee TR 00 44 01 Attendee up with this? You still haven't said one word why would you want to be married to this man? Convenience, consistency, financial support? Because I love him Wow, 27 minutes later I heard I love him. Why do you love this man? That was the first thing I said Why would you love this man? Because I know he has true Intentions inside. You sure haven't told us any of them. [inaudible] No you're not What's his truest intentions? Date With Destiny December 2018 Intervention Page 37 TR We? Attendee Yes. 00 44 25 TR I bet he did too I'm sure that’s true but I haven’t heard... what has he done well? Tell me one fucking thing he’s done well 'cause you haven’t told me one still, is he a good father, does he love your son? Attendee Yes. TR How do you know? You sure can tell us how you love your son, you can sure tell us how good a person you are, it was the first thing you fucking did. As for your vision of your relationship and someone who’s got [inaudible] you ignored all that because you ignore anything except what you want. You didn’t give a shit what mattered to the room, the room you now have two people to see each other this hour who could then come together there’s no coming together because he’s not here – none of us can really look and see the real truth and see his face and hear his voice and know what’s going on because you robbed us of that because you don’t give a fuck, you want to stand up and you wanted the attention of this fucking room and you’ve got it for way too long. Date with Destiny December 2018 Intervention​ Page 38 [Applause] 00 45 39 TR It’s about to end. In two minutes. You have minutes to either fucking come to the truth and transform us and tell us what’s beautiful about this man and why you love him and why you’ve been married to him or let’s move on and go get divorced and try your luck with the next guy who will put up with this shit. To be demonised after 7 years of loving you even if he didn’t do it well, 7 years you’ll be a family together. 00 46 03 Attendee I don’t know what’s going to happen but I... the first day after I got here I started writing a letter to him and um… TR Read it to us. 00 46 16 Attendee It’s on my computer downstairs but it’s like 5 pages already and I…. TR And when you say that because 5 pages if they're anything like this conversation I don’t think it’s gonna help. Attendee I'm telling him about how I focus on myself and um how… Date with Destiny December 2018 Intervention​ Page 39 TR 00 46 57 Crowd Why wouldn't you have told us that 25 minutes ago? Because you just wrote the letter to get the outcome you want. You don't own the actual letter, you don't own what you're saying, you're trying. just like you've done with me multiple timesanything so you can still get your outcome it has nothing to do what you're really experiencing. You know how to manipulate you don't look like a manipulator because you seem so sweet and nice and you are sweet and nice but you just completely focus on one person who everyone who? This is how ugly that looks. And who is this hurting the most? Her. Her -- that's the worst part and she's totally stuck in the cycle, round and round and round the same thing. So I'm not gonna waste anymore [inaudible], you have 2 minutes. do you want to get authentic do you want to tell us the truth -- now would be the time because you've wasted most of our time but not totally because the warnings worth it. Date with Destiny December 2018 Intervention Page 40 Attendee SR And don't tell us we want to hear we don't want to hear anything but what's true. Stop saying what you think everybody wants to hear including telling him that for a moment. Really putting down so you can hopefully keep it together because you're uncertain about your future. You're uncertain about your financial future that's obvious, you're uncertain about your future, period. And also you don't want to feel like a failure. It's so obvious like you can be read like a book, honey, you're not difficult at all why don't you just wake the fuck up or not but this is your last two minutes. Tell my wife. She will be much harder than I Will be. Date With Destiny December 2018 Intervention Page 41 Chris Rock The challenge is we're feeding her all the things that she already knows and so she just acknowledges it verbally but there's no change. How many see this? If you can see it raise your hand. By the way it's OK to disagree who disagrees, doesn't see it? Who doesn't see it? It's OK ifyoudon't, 1, 2, 3,4, 5,6, 7,8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, it's about 14 people who are closer or separate from your own charge because that's what you're really responding to you don't like the style of the communication and I understand that but substance is more important than style and the style of affirmation with her will bring no transformation. The truth is she's not transforming at all even here but it's not done she still has time. Not much [crowd laughing] and no more tonight -- thank you have a seat. Just to change the state put on Chris Rock with his view on relationships of some sort. And anybody in this room that's ever been in love will testify to this shit. If you haven't contemplated murder, you ain't been in love. Date with Destiny December 2018 Intervention Page 42 [Applause] 00 50 27 If you haven’t seriously thought about killing a motherfucker you ain’t been in love and if you haven’t had a can of rat poison in your hand and looked at it for 45 minutes straight then you ain’t been in love and if you haven’t bought a shovel and a bag and a rug to roll their ass up in, you ain’t been in love. If you haven’t practiced your alibi in front of the mirror, you ain’t been in love. 00 50 52 And the only thing that stopped you from killing this motherfucker was an episode of CSI. [Applause] Oh man [inaudible] they might catch my ass. That’s right, see relationships are hard man but in order for any relationship to work, both people have to be on the same page. End of recording. Date with Destiny December 2018 Intervention​ Page 43